Facebook Pixel
EmpowHER Guest

Dating and Sex after a Relationship

By Anonymous September 15, 2011 - 11:44am
Rate This

I am a 25 year old woman that got out of a 3 year relationship about a year ago. I have put a wall up when it comes to men and have completely made myself undesirable. The thought of sharing my life and my body with another man is terrifying so I don't allow myself to have a dating life or a sex life. I am 25- I should be dating and putting myself out there- but I constantly protect myself from getting too close to men in fear of choosing the wrong person again. I work full time, exercise often and strive to stay balanced in all other aspects, but I'm afraid if I get involved with a man I will be expected to have sex with him and feel instantly disrespected. I also have a constant fear of men giving me an STD, which I know would ruin my life. Putting it simply, I am extremely fearful of sex with another man and the stipulations that may come along with it. I want to get married and have children, but I know if I keep my wall up this will never happen. How do I move forward and allow myself to be an energetic, positive, and dateable young woman?

Add a Comment2 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

You said it yourself in your post. Clearly you're an amazing woman and you need to let that shine. Men love to see a woman who loves herself and knows how to enjoy life, that's what they find desirable. As far as the walls, sure, totally a scary thing...but think about it...if at some point we didn't build up those walls... we'd let anyone come charging at us... don't think of them so much as a bad thing..but rather your mind/body's natural survival and protecting your heart.

As far as venturing out to find other men... go out with several to test the waters. And not 'go over to their apartment and chill' make them work for you, a nice dinner, fun activity, etc and then leave. Just avoid the in-house hang outs and see who you connect the best with and have the most fun with and keep sex out of the picture. If you wait out the physical intimacy part for a bit...you'll be able to tell if a guy is after your heart and or just your body, if he wants both, he'll do what it takes to have you let him stick around.
best of luck :)

October 5, 2011 - 11:01pm

Hi anon,
I love what Susan has written. You are not alone, the "wall" which you call it naturally comes after a long-trusting relationship and it takes a while before it disintegrates into nothingness and you can move on. I am also 25 and I think its our age to feel lost, confused, and perhaps scared because we are young adults, still need to define ourselves, and perhaps make a difference.
I think if you can focus on the betterment of yourself and tell yourself everyday that everything will be fine!
I thought I would share and let you know that you are not alone in feeling the weight of the "wall". I thought I had surpassed it but it took me being by myself to face the reality of my situation. But, this is just a beginning. One day we will look back at this and laugh! :)

September 15, 2011 - 1:02pm
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!