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depression ?? :(

By July 18, 2011 - 7:43am
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i have moved to a small town about 8 months now, job searching for 6 in ahalf and nothing, it has made me literally go "crazy", my relationship is slowly dying off, we're always fighting, in the recent 2 months i have found that most my days are spent in my bed, on the internet. I no longer want to be around friends, want to see the day, i dont stay in front of a mirror all day anymore or get dressed up, i barely eat...maybe once a day....i get bad headaches, dizzy spells the last week. I have had to go to the hospital twice because i have had these episodes where my chest starts to hurt, i shake, and feel extremely faint, my mood is out of order, i never smile anymore it is VERY hard to , even when i should be. I never talk about my problems, i never have been one to open up, until now i feel i really need it. Also here at home, i feel a little 'trapped"...i mean i love my bf of 2 years, but lately i feel he is just using me and i cant seem to leave! he is of no real support and rarely ever helps me out, as much as i would love to leave, i cannot. he is not physical or anything but i know there is mental abuse for sure, now both physical and mental abuse i have grown used to since i was age 13, i have noticed a pattern, i go after men who abuse in either one way or another, now i am not abuser of anything, i am highly into God, i have loving, caring nature ect.....but lately my world has collapsed. I feel lost...my soul aches, and i have nobody....i dont know what to do , what kind of help is there for someone like me with no job to receive help??

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Hi Annaluna,
I understand what you have been going through. I think sometimes when one does not have a structure in their life, things to keep them busy, chances of self-doubt and insecurity further increase, which does lead to depression. I can say this because I have gone through patches of times like this. However, what I found useful in the meantime is that you should (even by yourself) do things that you liked to do. I found comfort in cooking, in exploring a city. Hey, you just moved to a new place. I would take this opportunity and explore, explore, explore. What should you explore? When I was alone and depressed, I explored restaurants, tried new cuisines, found events that were happening in the city, and would come home to talk to my long-distance bf at that time. But, the only way to fight depression is to fight it, to take action of your situation and really think about if this is the relationship you want.

I am not in an abusive relationship, but I have been in one. The best decision I had made was to remove myself from the person who was toxic to my self-esteem.

I am trying to deal with my own decisions, feelings, and decisions. However, I find that by taking steps to do things you love like reading a book, having a coffee, going for wine-tasting (these are my particular favorites as examples), essentially, by doing something that you love to do or you have loved to do in the past that would bring smile to your face when you did it, I would suggest make a list of those and enjoy them.
I realize that emotional problems are difficult to deal with, and even I myself am going through a major struggle (s) in my life, but I can say with full confidence that life is too short. The only way to feel change by changing the way you live your life, and no one can do that beside you.
As Rosa has said, do keep us updated!

September 13, 2011 - 2:35pm
EmpowHER Guest

For mild depression, there are many natural alternatives for feeling better, from exercise to omitting certain foods from your diet. Here's a good list of natural remedies for depression: http://www.womentowomen.com/depressionanxietyandmood/antidepressants.aspx

September 8, 2011 - 8:20pm

Hi annaluna,

I'm sorry that you're experiencing so much sadness. Finding a job is hard for everyone right now. Even though technically we are no longer in recession, the economy is still hurting and many companies are keeping their current employees or even losing a few to save money. KEEP LOOKING. Even if you have to get dressed up and go out to a few companies every day. Don't rely on applying on the internet alone, sometimes you have to be seen to get an interview. Go out dressed professionally and always with your resume-- this will give you at least some motivation to get pretty, dress up, and get out of the house. There's nothing that will get you down more than staying home in bed all day and although it will take some energy, you'll see that getting out of the house will help.

Your hospital episodes sound like you've had a lot of stress with anxiety which makes it even more important to break this vicious cycle. You may not necessarily have to go on medication, but I do think that it would benefit you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist-- if nothing else but to have someone to talk to. I don't know if you have health insurance, but a lot of them will work with you on a sliding scale-- just take the time to call a few around your area, open up to them the same way you just did with us here at EmpowHer, and you'll find that at least one will be willing to help.

Your relationship with your boyfriend may be playing a bigger role in your depression than you may think it is. The fact that you aren't happy, you are being verbally abused, and you can't figure out how to get out is bringing you an incredible amount of anxiety. Think about what reason you have to stay-- is it because you don't have a job? If so, get on the ball and get out there. When you finally do have a job then I think you'll find that push that you need to move out on your own.

Please keep us updated,


July 18, 2011 - 8:18am
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