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Disaster following my first sexual encounter - please help!

By September 7, 2011 - 5:32am
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Hi EmpowHER

I'd really like some advice related to my first sexual encounter which didn't go anything like I expected, and I don't know what to do now.

I have been friendly with a neighbor of mine who I go to school with for a number of years. We've been just friends and nothing more until a few days ago when his parents were away and he invited me around his house.

We watched a romantic movie together and then the talk moved on to our own sexual relationships. It turned out that like me, he too had never had any sexual encounters as he said he was waiting for the right girl. He then said that he had liked me for some time but only just plucked up the courage to ask me around to his house. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. He kept on telling me how he really liked me and removed his clothing so that he was naked from the waist down. He had an erection and I was very nervous about what I should do. He said that he found it such a turn on for me to be looking at him in such an aroused state, and we just sat with one arm around each other which was nice, with me looking at his erection. He carried on talking about how much of a turn on it was for me to be clothed and seeing him in such an aroused state, and that's when the problems started...

His breathing started getting more and more heavy, and then as though it had a life of its own, his penis started throbbing and twitching heavily before he ejaculated right before my eyes without any assistance whatsoever! I just sat back and watched the fireworks in amazement!

Through a combination of surprise, awe and the situation I was in, I couldn't control myself and burst into laughter. He got up, put his clothing back on and said that it would be best if I left. I didn't know what to do or say and so I left him alone.

I felt bad about myself for my reaction. In no way was I laughing at him. It was the first time I had a close look at an erect penis, and for it then to start bobbing about on it's own while ejaculating was too much for me to control myself. I really enjoyed my time with him that evening and would like to see him again, but he doesn't even make eye contact with me anymore.

I'd really appreciate some advice on how to get over what happened.
How could I now approach him, and even if I did end up speaking to him how is it best to deal with the awkwardness of what happened?
I have felt bad about myself because of the way I reacted. Is it just me or would other girls have done the same?

I'd really appreciate your help as I can't stop thinking about it!

Add a Comment6 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

Hi NiccyT and Rosa!

Wow, I too had a similar experience to this in which my first boyfriend also ejaculated without being touched. I also found it fun to hear him groaning in pleasure while I too watched the fireworks (love that expression) with avid interest! The thought that he was so aroused that he orgasmed just from being in my presence was an incredible turn on for me.

When you stated that "It is normal for a sixteen year old girl to feel aroused by this and to have these thoughts especially after seeing a boy ejaculate in front of you" do these thoughts also apply to women? I mean, wouldn't a woman be disappointed in seeing this happen due to the man suffering from "premature ejaculation"?

September 20, 2011 - 3:46am
(reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon,

Premature ejaculation is VERY common in young men because they still haven't quite mastered controlling the urge to want to finish-- this gets better as men mature and are more sexually experienced. A woman might be disappointed but just because a man has the ability to become aroused by a woman without touching her and then ejaculating, it doesn't mean that he suffers from premature ejaculation. For all we know, he could very well be a man who is more turned on without touching than he is with the actual act of sex.

September 20, 2011 - 6:08am

Thank you so much for all of your suggestions and help Rosa.

September 11, 2011 - 2:30pm

Hi Rosa and thank you so much for your reply. We are both 16 years old. I like your idea of contacting him by texting him. That way he can read my message in his own time and think about whether he wants to get back in touch.
Looking back, I did find the encounter highly erotic - to think that he totally lost control because of me, and holding him while watching his penis throb and twitch while he ejaculated before my eyes was a huge turn on for me. I do feel guilty as a girl though having these thoughts. Should seeing something like that really be a turn on for a girl? DO you think that I should I tell him about it?

September 7, 2011 - 3:55pm
(reply to NiccyT)

Hi Niccy,

It is normal for a sixteen year old girl to feel aroused by this and to have these thoughts especially after seeing a boy ejaculate in front of you. You can certainly tell him this if you wish-- you've seen him at a vulnerable state, maybe he would appreciate knowing that you were, despite the laughing attack, aroused by him as well.

However, because you are both 16 I have to remind you about sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, the use of a condom no matter what, and to really think through before doing anything because all actions have consequences. Please be careful, if he can look past the laughing and forgive you, then start over by taking things much slower than that night.

Wishing you the best,


September 8, 2011 - 9:16am

Hi NiccyT,

Well, that it quite the story to tell about your first sexual encounter. How old are you both? If you don't mind me asking. If you are in your teens, it is not uncommon for a teenage boy to ejaculate simply by being aroused by you. Although I can certainly understand why you laughed-- it was your first time, this was something you weren't expecting, etc. You should make amends with him, not only because you want to continue seeing him but because he definitely thought you were laughing at him at a very vulnerable state.

If you have his phone number, text him that you need to talk to him because there seemed to be a misunderstanding the other night and that you really like him and would like to see him again. When you do have him in front of you, start off by apologizing and let him know that a combination of your nerves, awe, and given that it was your first time were what made you start laughing. You never meant to hurt his feelings but that you realize that if you were in his shoes, you would have also felt hurt and embarrassed. End it by saying that you understand if he doesn't want to speak to you or would like some time to himself, but that if you could go back you would tell him how much you liked him and how amazed you were by something that was 100% new to you.

You can reword this however you like, this is just to give you an idea of what to say in your apology. It will be fine. If he is a mature young man, he will accept your apology. If he doesn't, just let it go until he comes around on his own.

Good luck to you,


September 7, 2011 - 7:29am
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