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having another baby

By Anonymous February 8, 2011 - 1:48am
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Hi i have 2 older 16y 9y children ...i have a strong urge to have another baby....my partner of 18 yr will never allow this...should i just fall and say it was an accident...now in saying this in 18yrs we have never used contraception have always used the pull out method ...and yes believe it it has worked and both other children were planned...

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EmpowHER Guest

Ok so i thought this was where i could talk something through with other women..obviously mistaken...
Why be judgmental you do not know me....i only put what i was thinking here to discuss alternatives...i did not say i had done anything...grrr
to your question no i am not married but why is this a question?? I am not questioning my love to each other which we have had for 18years... 18years is a commitment we made to each other i dont need a marriage certificate...most marriages dont even last 10 years...
Anyway this is my first time on a chat page discussing my personal business and will be my last so thankyou ladies i will keep my thoughts to myself....

oh and a thought for you...make sure you keep your life perfect cause i didnt realise it was a crime to think...

February 9, 2011 - 4:53pm
(reply to Anonymous)

You are right that this is an online community for women to talk, think "out loud" and discuss alternatives.

The other part of this equation is also the response, and the community of women responding also have the right to respond with information, resources...as well as some emotion.

When you say "should I fall and say it was an accident", this does create an emotional-reaction. As the two women before posted, they have asked you questions related to clarifying your thinking, which is what a supportive environment should do: clarify questions, as well as provide feedback to let you know if your thinking may be out of the norm. Falling on purpose (we still don't know if you are referring to "falling pregnant" without your boyfriend's consent, or if you are referring to "falling while pregnant" to harm the baby)...either way, it is alarming (different from judgmental), and a good community does provide honest, open feedback.

If you would like to continue the discussion, please let us know the answers to the clarifications above. I am sorry you were offended, or hurt feelings, and felt the questions were judgmental. (I agree with you; I don't think your relationship status is relevant. I believe it was more a question of "how well you know this person" and "how committed are each of you long-term").

February 10, 2011 - 11:02am
(reply to Alison Beaver)

Yes, to clarify the reason why I asked if you were married, it was to inquire how committed the relationship is long term. You are right, some people can carry on long-term relationships without being married. The fact of being married, however, does imply a level of commitment. If you are not married, and truly want a baby, why do you stay in this relationship? You love this person, but they don't want a baby? Seems to me that is a fundamental difference between you and your partner. If you can't get past it, and come to an agreeable solution without "falling accidentally" (regardless of what it means to you), maybe maybe you need to do some soul searching and decide how important this relationship is to you and how important it is to have another baby.
What do you think? And yes, we are thinking out loud. We welcome your "thinking", but don't be offended if we are shocked by your suggestion of "falling by accident." It's dishonest, anyway you put it. In an adult relationship, it's not healthy. We are not doctors, so you can take it or leave it as you feel you need to do.
Take care~

February 14, 2011 - 11:44am

Awaiting a response... I do apologize if I misunderstood what you said.

February 9, 2011 - 6:23am

Hi Private,
If I understand correctly, you're asking if you should just "fall pregnant" without your partner's consent. If you're practicing the withdrawal method, I'm wondering how you're planning on getting pregnant. Regardless, don't you think it's kind of manipulative, and dishonest. If you truly want another baby, would you try to discuss it with your partner? Do you love your partner? Would you say you have a good relationship with open communication with your partner (apart of course from the disconnect on how many children to have). Are you married to your partner?
Looking forward to your reply.

February 8, 2011 - 8:19am


Please clarify your question... Are you saying that you're pregnant but since your partner doesn't want another baby you are considering falling on purpose and calling it an "Accident"??

If this is your question...I am baffled. If your partner did not want another baby then you both should have used contraception. Now a baby's life is at stake because he doesn't want a baby? Really? There are other options for that baby's life. Have you considered adoption? So many couples in the world would love to have this gift that has been given to you and would never consider falling just to end the pregnancy. Have you thought about what will happen if you fall and the baby survives but is severely mentally challenged due to your bright idea? Honestly, I don't know what to say because, as a mother, I don't know how this thought even came to you.

February 8, 2011 - 7:02am
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