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he wont have sex with me

By July 15, 2009 - 1:53pm
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My fiance and I been together now for alittle over a year. We moved in with eachother about 7 months ago and he asked me to marry him. I know he loves me to death and I love him. At first our sex life was great atleast once a day maybe even twice for about 5 months in our relationship then we moved in together and just started having sex maybe once a week. Now after he has asked me to marry him it has went down to maybe once every two to three weeks. I like to be very sexaul active. I know he really doesnt but I've already told him I need more of it. He said he would work on it. He is always wanting me to rub him and that turns me on. He will hold me but when I think it is time for the sexaul part he isnt into. Do you think it will get better after we get married?? I think he is just scared and doesn't want to get me pregnant. He just got a new job about a month ago but I know it isn't streeful. Maybe he is worried about the bills?? How would I go about talking to him about sex? What could I do to turn him on? I've tried the sexy clothes and cooking rubing his feet being all lovable. I've even gave him time to his self to play his video games. What to do??

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EmpowHER Guest

I am in love with a man separated from his wife - they've lived apart for 2 years - and who admits to having loads of affairs. Not having had, but having, so I suppose he is still indulging. He does not give much time to them, I feel as he is so b usy, he has 3 jobs. He lives in his fathers old house, and I am at the end of a divorce and have a room in a house a way away. He seems to really love me, we have so much in common, we do things together and people always assume we are a couple, but we have only made love about 6 times in 2 years with wide gaps between, and for the past 4 months nothing. We do have opportunity and yet the lovemaking - or I suppose sex - is only ever a quickie and then he leaps out and gets dressed and goes off. I finally plucked up courage to ask why he has not wanted to make love tho I approach him, carress him, etc, and he gave mixed answers about how he fouls up relationships if they include sex, so felt that he would not include that in our relationship - or that he did not know if he would divorce so it was not fair to give me hope. So what's that mean? Just I suppose that he is happy being with me but I don't turn him on? and his affairs do. And yet everything else is so good.

July 19, 2009 - 11:10pm

We have talked about birth control but I'm not on anything. Its just been the pull out method so far. We have talked about stress. He said he isn't stressed. The only thing I can see is about the bills and I want to start looking for our first home. He's even made comments about how it will be after we are married.

July 16, 2009 - 6:24am

Hey amsweet, thanks for writing. You mention here that you think he's worried you may get pregnant. Do you communicate about birth control? And you also mentioned stress. You may want to chat with him about work-related stress and anything else in his life that may be causing stress. For some fantastic ideas on how to address sexually related questions, please check out the videos, podcasts and articles by our resident marriage and family expert Dr. Marty Klein. He has a very candid way of handling these types of questions.

July 15, 2009 - 8:42pm
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