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Help! Living with partner's erectile dysfunction

By March 8, 2017 - 9:29am
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Please help. I don't want to appear unsympathetic - I am - but I'm equally frustrated and angry. I have the most wonderful partner of 4 years. We had an incredible sex life for the first 18 months, having sex multiple times in one session etc - and then it started to dwindle off, which I expected and reluctantly accepted. We now have sex only about once every 5 days (yes I'm counting) and I now know my partner is taking Viagra every time. I don't think he was until about 18 months into the relationship when we had a few unsuccessful attempts at love making. My obvious upset and feelings of rejection would have put pressure on him I'm sure.

So now, when we go to bed, if I instigate sex, like I often used to it's an instant turn off for him. So i always have to wait to be 'asked'. This is doing nothing for my ego or self respect. And the past week I've been coming downstairs to find the TV on mute, followed by semen stained boxer shorts the next day! I'm outraged - and confused - as to why he would seemingly prefer to watch porn and masturbate, knowing I'm ready and available. I feel really hurt by it all and most unattractive. I cannot bear the thought of him getting turned on by random women he doesn't know. How come he needs viagra to have sex with me but not to masturbate! I cannot approach the subject - he's very much a man's man and get massively defensive if I mention anything about the lack of sex. I feel a bit pathetic but I feel it's ruining an otherwise perfect relationship. Please help

Add a Comment2 Comments


Hello Stelly,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community. Thank you for reaching out to us with your situation.

I am sure you will hear from members, each with a different suggestion.

My input is to talk with him about it. I strongly believe in communication, and we cannot read other people's minds. Share how you are feeling. Keep your emotions in check. I know not easy. But if you lash out at him, he will become defensive and the conversation ends.

If you can find out the why, you can both work at fixing it.


March 8, 2017 - 9:48am
(reply to Maryann Gromisch RN)

Thanks for your reply MaryAnn - regretfully talking about it isn't really an option - that's when he gets defensive and he almost gets to the stage of quitting our relationship - I think leaving me would be an easier option than actually talking about it and admitting there's a problem. His pride wouldn't allow it.
My issue isn't so much that he's got ED - I'm aware it isn't his fault - my issue is masturbating and using porn behind my back, instead of being intimate with me. Saddens me.

March 8, 2017 - 10:35am
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