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how do I stop myself from feeling jealous and worried about my boyfriend going to the strippers?

By December 29, 2011 - 10:13am
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My boyfriend, which i have been with for 15 months is turning 18 soon and has recently informed me that he will be heading out to the strippers, going to pubs and hitting the clubs. As i am not 18 until half way through next year i cannot go with him and i find it hard to accept that him going to the strippers is okay.. i want him to have a good time but the strippers takes it one step too far for me and i personally am not comfortable with another woman seducing my boy. i find it disrespectful to eye other women's bodies let along be danced on or felt (seriously!?) it completely crushes my self confidence to even hear about him going because i already am body conscious... i have talked to him about this and he keeps reassuring me it's just a guy thing and that there isn't anything wrong with looking and not touching, (what if his mates pay for a lap dance he will feel peer pressured and rude to say no!)i have a bad feeling that when he goes i will break up with him just because i can't stand the thought of it, i don't mind the pub and clubbing so much even though there is a higher chance of him meeting girls there.. but it's the fact that women are seducing him for his money ah! i know what people usually say is that he loves me.. blah blah blah, but i am the one who should be looked at not some random woman parading herself all over my boyfriend, i wonder if religiously it is wrong? i deep down think it's disgusting and wrong to me. HELP!? i don't want to feel so threatened by this, is it wrong for him to go? am i too demanding if i say i don't feel comfortable with it? (i also said he could go if i came with him but he said no)

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Dear liv260,

No one can make you accept the fact that your boyfriend goes to strip clubs or take the jealousy away from you. The fact is that some women are okay with their husbands/boy friends attending strip clubs with their friends every once in a while but no one really finds it desirable. What you may consider is finding a happy medium where he attends strip clubs every couple of months as opposed to every weekend. If your boyfriend is turning 18 and he thinks that strip clubs are more important than working on your relationship and respecting your feelings about strip clubs then perhaps you are better off cutting your loses and moving on to someone who treats you the way you want to be treated-- with respect. You are very young but clearly strip clubs will continue to be a problem in your relationship, the sooner you address this and move on, the better your life will be. 

Best of luck to you,


December 29, 2011 - 10:44am
(reply to Rosa Cabrera RN)

thank you for commenting, i appreciate it. Would it be reasonable to let him go the first couple of time to get it out of his system or do you think that would encourage him to want to go more? i know it sounds corny for my age maybe but i do love him and I'm not sure how to approach the situation without trying to sound like i'm controlling him, i don't want to do that.

December 29, 2011 - 10:56am
(reply to liv260)


He's 18 and like any 18 year old boy he's looking forward to the things that he has been restricted from all of his life-- this is normal. The problem is that you are saying you don't want to control him and yet you are asking if you should "let" him go. If he has expressed his interest in strip clubs, bars, and clubs then there really isn't much you can say or do to stop him from going. Keep in mind that he is turning 18, not 21. He can't get drunk (not legally, anyway) and will be in his right mind when he goes out. The feelings of jealousy, on your half, are feelings that you will have to learn to accept and control or you can choose to let him go if the strip clubs and bar outings get out of control-- either way, you cannot control what he does, this is something that is up to both of you to work on as a couple.

December 29, 2011 - 11:04am
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