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Husband and I are taking our first trip together away from kids.... what should i do...

By September 29, 2010 - 3:07pm
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Ever sense i had my daughter, the only thing we have done would go to a movie, well, now that we have our son, we havent really done anything. Were going on a trip here in 9 days. staying at a hotel, with a hot tub, and king size bed. its gonna be amazing.. we really havent had much sex, and if so, its the same thing everytime. How can i make my husband want me, and crave me to where something sexy would happen. any ideas for the hot tub? ive never been in one before, but im sure you can have sex. please help

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You know..so many women have complained about their husbands "jerking off" or masturbating or whatever you want to call it...and I am not sure why they take it personally?! I can see that you are upset because he is ALSO turning you down...that would hurt...but I'm not sure if you need to be so mad at the masturbation thing. I have talked about this issue so much with both men and women, and when you think about men masturbating when they could have sex with their wife (or partner), it really does make sense! Sometimes, for women too, there just needs to be a sexual release without all the other stuff. There is a lot of "other stuff" when it comes to sex, right?! Men need to figure out how to please the woman, and this changes frequently. It takes longer to please women, in general, and usually takes some emotional connecting first. Sex is hard work, honestly, and it can be nice, relaxing and relieving to just masturbate in less than 2 minutes and not have to communicate and relate to another person.

That' s just my two cents on the topic!

September 30, 2010 - 2:36pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

Sorry for the late reply, and i understand him jerking off, or masturbate. but im simple, i dont need anything and i dont need him to do anything extra, just our body to body is what i crave. and that as well is simple. and usually fast as well.. but i just dont understand how he makes it all about him and he simply doesnt even touch me or if we have sex maybe once a month or twice a month at the most. He knows im open to have sex anytime of the day or night... he knows im horny, but it just hurts when he turns me down, then i hear him in the bathroom, and he then denies it.... Actually, Hes lied from the start from the first time, Its really been hurting our relationship, and how he acts towards me and how i act towards him. And i personally cant stand it, every women is different. Im not gonna masturbate while my husband is home if he wants sex and then turn him down. i respect him. and i wont ever do it while hes home. that wouldnt be fare to him. just would be nice to get that same respect back. every women has there own opinion. alot say get a new man and alot say its natural. yeah i understand him doing it while im on my period. or while hes on a trip with work. but when he looks up into my eyes and tells me he is not, and tells me that i need to trust him, and he lies to my face, that really hurts. He finally told me he was, and it hurt so badly, not that he masturbated, but how he could so easliy lied into my eyes. maybe if he was more honest and open when i try and talk about the subject, then maybe it wouldnt be soo aggervating, hes very very stubborn, and he usually gets his way with anything.
but i told him after he finally fessed up that if he keeps lying about it, that i wouldnt be able to live with that, told him he needs to be honest with me when it comes to our entire relationship, cuz when hes not it tears us apart. I love him to death, and i told him he can do it, just dont do it more then actually wanting sex, and not make it look like he has to jerk off all the dang time. and he said he was done doing it entirely. i there fore said he could, and i didnt care just not to lie to my face about it. im still in ahh about the lies. but thats something ill have to get over. and alot of people are right, at least hes not cheating on with another women, if he was therefore hed be long gone!

October 6, 2010 - 7:40am

Yes little ones... 4 pounds apart, and in same diaper. :) thank god! less money, soon to potty train my 18 month old. less diapers the better.

And yes we have alot to work on.
Perhaps him jerking off when im home and lie to my face and saying hes not. And rather do that then have sex with me, or even give him a blow job. but its kinda going away. Hopefully Anchorage trip allows us to finally open up and do new thigns. and spice it up to where he wouldnt turn me down. or not want me. i try and do new things, but, he usually says next time. so im usually stuck on top. but hopefully that changes as well! we love each other, i guess thats all that matters...

September 30, 2010 - 2:24pm

Wow...you do have little ones at home! So cute!

I think your attitude, "him want me as much as I want him" is probably all that he would want to know (feel, hear) from you. There is not a better turn on than someone wanting you first! :-)

Sounds like you two are going to be happy just getting away, and setting the stage beforehand is key to a great vacation. Victoria Secrets won't hurt, either! :-)

One last piece of advice: if you have any nagging unfinished/ unresolved issues or arguments looming in the background, now is a great time to try to find some resolution or compromise. For many couples, vacations end up as the only time they have to really talk, and unfortunately, some of that talking is finishing old fights. Don't worry if this does happen somewhat, but be prepared to "agree to disagree" and find time when you return home to talk about the issue. (We all have unresolved issues in a relationship, by the way!)

Have fun, and please come back to tell us how the vacation was! Any other advice or information we can help with? (I can still brainstorm ideas with you, but it sounds like you don't really need them??)

September 30, 2010 - 1:52pm

I agree with Christine, especially about "talking it up" and "teasing" even before you get there! Start now...the anticipation of a vacation is sometimes the best part!

I am curious, since you are also specifically asking about spicing things up in the bedroom...where are you two going? (ie, lots of people around, secluded beach, dessert camping trip, in-laws--ha ha--). Is it by airplane, car trip? How long of a flight/drive? How long will you be there, and do you already have reservations or scheduled plans? What is your husband most looking forward to? (Your answers can help me brainstorm some ideas with you!).

I am so jealous and happy for you!! I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old infant. We are SO in need of a vacation without kids!!!! :-) Who are your kids staying with while you are gone?

September 30, 2010 - 1:07pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

Ha, we live in Alaska, were flying to anchorage, kids are staying with grandparents. Flying down, I believe. Doesn't even take 1 hour... Shopping is the reason. I plan on going to Victoria secret.
Ive never really teased him before...
And husband is looking forward to be with me away from the kids. Hopefully all the stress, and having no kids around will make things more relaxed. I wanna try new things. And just have a great time.

September 30, 2010 - 1:32pm
(reply to mindy102)

Something tells me, mindy102, you and your husband will have a great time. You don't need to tease, more like just telling him how excited you are and how you're going to "rock his world"--or whatever you guys do. :)
At the very least, it should get a good laugh or chuckle out of him.
Enjoy, and share stories if you want to make us all even more envious later on. We soooooo need a vacation too. We have a 4yr old and 2.5 yr old.

September 30, 2010 - 1:35pm
(reply to Christine Jeffries)

Haha we kinda don't have much sex, him always working, and tires when home. So, that's also a reason why I wanna get something cute to wear! And try and turn him on. And him want me as much as I want him. Aw that's awesome. I can't wait for my kidos to be that old. Well 4 years old! My favorite age! Mine are 18 moths and 5 months :) alot of work!

September 30, 2010 - 1:40pm

Hi mindy102,
Thank you for your question and for finding EmpowHER.
Congrats!! Sounds like it has been a long time since you and your husband have connected. Is that the only reason for your concern? I hope so.
I would say from personal experience that hotels have a way of lowering your inhibitions, and allowing you to relax more. Bring yourself, beautiful you, that is all your husband will need. Sure, you could go to the store and get some new lingerie, or a new slinky dress to wear out to dinner, but I bet most husbands will say that alone time with you is enough. Any extra effort on your or your husband's part will be a bonus and just ensure that much more of a memorable time.
When I go away alone with my husband, I try to not bring my everyday PJs. You also can bring a scarf (use your imagination). Maybe pick up a Glamor or Cosmopolitan magazine that usually has ideas for ways to spice things up. You can even start now by starting to tease your husband, tell him how much you're looking forward to your "alone time", etc. Just throwing those things out there. Beware, the heat of a hot tub and alcohol can be a bad mix.
Here also is an additional resource (check the comment from Alison Beaver):
Good luck, and hope the time away is everything you are dreaming of.

September 30, 2010 - 12:49pm
(reply to Christine Jeffries)

Aw great, thanks so much for your response. The reason I'm also a little concerned is cuz he's usuly always tired and that means a lack of sex. I hope that he will be craving me, which I see why it's good to tease him, although, I've never done that before, what would be some good ways to tease him?

September 30, 2010 - 1:36pm
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