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i need help or advice for my temper and moodiness, I feel as though I can't control it sometimes.

By Anonymous March 26, 2015 - 11:46pm
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I'm 17 years old and I've always been known that im a moody person. As a child I had a few years of molestation and never came to terms with it until my freshman year of high school when I decided to tell my mother. I've always been either really happy, sad and kept to myself, or "angry at the world" my mother and father would say. I've struggled w a few episodes of depression growing up; about 7th grade, lasting about 7 months, and my junior year that lasted my entire year. I couldn't get out of bed. I wouldn't eat. I was constantly tired so I consultated a dr and was prescribed Wellbutrin. It did nothing but kept me up at night, which I usually only sleep 4-6 hours anyway, and it made me feel miserable. So I refused anymore treatment. My anger was resolved, I thought, but now that I'm getting older, I have anger outbursts. I always have anxiety, I picked up the habit of smoking and it helps but not all the time I feel dread in my chest maybe 3 or more times a week. My current boyfriend means a lot to me, and I do my best to keep my cool but when I get upset I scream and cuss and break things and I've even went as far as hitting him. It's hard because I feel like I lose control. I feel like my whole body is on fire and I can't even think straight for hours. I've been working on it but not much luck... It hurts me to look back and that I acted that way. I hate my friends or mother hearing me upset. I've been described as strong, confident, short tempered. But that's an act I don't want to be angry or that anger to anyone. It hurts to know I act like a kid throwing a tantrum. I love my boyfriend and friends and mother very much. I feel like my moods get in the way of me being a real teenager and being happy. I either lay in bed all day, I'm out all night, sleep for hours, or sleep just a few. I want to have a constant mood and my mother has questioned bi polar disorder, she's an RN at Vanderbilt, but she wants to think I'm just hormonal. I don't know what to think or to do. I'm starting to hate my self and how I think and act... I think about all these bad things that could happen and it's honestly annoying because I can't live my life with all of these emotions. Please, someone help me. What do I do? What's wrong with me? I just want to be normal... I have a lot of child hood problems but I'm pass them. What do I do? Please help me.

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Hello Anonymous,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community. It took courage to share your story of abuse and personal struggle. I am glad that you did.

As a mother myself, it is difficult at times to see or admit what is right before your eyes. Maybe, your mother can explain away your behavior as hormonal because that is a physiologic cause and easier to handle. Coping with a psychological disorder is much more difficult. As a society, most of us want to brush mental illness under the rug or hide it in the closet. That just doesn't work. It only makes the problem worse.

Anonymous, you need counseling. You need to work with a well trained and compassionate therapist. It is possible that your anger is deeply rooted and stems from your experience of being molested.

Children and adolescents have not yet developed the strength and strategies to cope with such a traumatic experience. You cannot and should not be expected to go this alone.

You mention your mother is a registered nurse at Vanderbilt. She must have access to contacting the best psychotherapist for you.
You may not need medications. But, counseling and learning positive coping strategies, I think, will help you face any hidden demons and learn to manage your anger.

We are here to help:)

March 27, 2015 - 6:41am
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