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I think i have a heightened sex drive but I don't have sex. How can I lessen the drive?

By February 13, 2010 - 5:54pm
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I am a virgin who does not want to have sex until i'm married, but lately, I've gotten a strange sensation in my lower region. I have tried masturbation, thinking that if I just got it over with, it would go away, but it doesn't. It keeps me up all night some nights, and then the next day I often feel feverish and as if I want to throw up. This is likely more from lack of sleep, but still. This is harming me physically and i'm unhappy with it. There are many articles that say that a high sex drive is good unless it is causing you to be unhappy, but no where does it say how to lower it in a healthy way. Please help. I need my sleep.

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Can you tell us how old you are?

A heightened sex drive is all relevant... it depends what your definition of a normal sex drive is, what your perception of other's normal sex drives are...and then to say your sex drive is more than this...there really is no specific definition of if you have a heightened or just a healthy sex drive.

I'm wondering if you are in your teens or early 20s, and are experiencing new sensations of a healthy sex drive. This is completely normal, and healthy, and possibly mentally reframing your sex drive to be what is normal for YOU can take the worry out of the equation. Some women may have higher or lower sex drives than you do, and all be within a normal range. Does that make sense?

Are you currently happy with your decision to wait until marriage? Do you have a partner that you are being physically intimate with (except for intercourse)?

Masturbating would not cause you to be feverish, feel nauseous or needing to vomit, or be awake all night. Sexual feelings do not just "go away" when you masturbate, as you may be physically longing for some other physical contact. Masturbation can be helpful, though, but it sounds like it may be more frustrating for you at the moment?

As miscortes said above, if these symptoms (feverish, nauseous) are keeping you up at night, and you feel you are suffering from insomnia, there is something else going on.

Do you have other interests, activities, work/school, friends, family, hobbies, sports that keep you busy? While your hormones may be raging, this is completely normal for women in their teens and early 20s, and instead of thinking of it as something abnormal, unhealthy or wrong...just know that it is healthy and normal, and you can focus your energy, time and attention to other things that you enjoy..the more physically challenging, the better. If you have a boyfriend or other partner, there are many psychically intimate things you can do with this person that does not include intercourse (and you can still stand by your choice to wait until marriage to have sex).

Does any of this information help?

February 14, 2010 - 1:32pm
EmpowHER Guest

Thank you for your question. I think it is great that you are interested in waiting for marriage and you should stick to it too. Here is my question, you are explaining in your question that you are masturbating although this is not satisfying your craving for sexual intercourse? Is this the cause of the sleepless nights?

Are there any other underlying issues that are causing your insomnia? It would appear to me that maybe there are other reasons why you are experiencing sleepless nights. Most research indicates that you are harming yourself from a high sex drive due to having multiple partner sex. The important thing is control. You are currently in control of your situation because you are still remaining a virgin which is a good thing. My other thought is that you are interested in sex and experimenting on your own...this is completely healthy.

Let's talk more and see if there is another underlying reason for your sleepless nights. Otherwise, there are help groups for people who feel out of control with their sex drives. This is more geared towards sexual addictions.

May I ask how old you are? Is your sexual experiences all new for you?

February 14, 2010 - 9:37am
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