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I am 29, been married for three years, and have two beautiful children. Over the course of the six years my husband and I have been together, I have found numerous emails to other women, pornographic movies and magazines, and a computer history of him visiting pornographic sites. Recently, I even found a phone number on our cell phone bill, called it, and it turned out to be a girl. I confronted him and he said, "I'll fix it". He said he met her after work in the parking lot. A friend of someone he works with. A bunch of them went out to Applebees after work and since then he had been calling her every so often. He said nothing happened physically, it was someone to talk to and give him attention. After I had my two children(within two years of each other), I had put on a good sixty pounds. I have tried numerous times, unsuccessfully, to get the weight off. He tells me that he still is attracted to me and loves me just the way I am. He is very supportive in getting me motivated to work out and such, but what else would he do or say? He would never tell me that I'm fat and he is disgusted by me(even if that were the truth). He has been deployed twice to Iraq and suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which he is currently getting help for. We are in marriage counseling as well. I confronted him about the porn on the computer and he said he would get help and got rid of the computer. He knows I don't like porn in the house. I think it's digusting. We haven't had sex for 7 months. He won't initiate or touch me and turns me down when I initiate. He can, however, get off when watching porn. He recently came back from military training in Germany and I found numerous porn videos and mags in his backpack. I broke all the videos and ripped up all the magazines. I am upset because while he was over there he asked me to wire him money cause he had run out. He bought my daughter a $7.00 doll, my son a $5.00 train, and over $100.00 in porn. What scares me even more is that the porn videos are now getting more intense. He had a dominatrix one with a women who's mouth was wired open in order for the men to stick their penis in it. I don't understand what is wrong with me? Why is porn so much more important to him than me? I have threatened to leave him over it, which I thought he understood, but he keeps on buying it...not to mention, he doesn't go to any length to hide it.
Is it time for an ultimatum? I need advice on what to do? Thank you.
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Add a Comment15 Comments
Try doing a search for men in their 20s with erectile dysfunction+porn and see what you get. Yes, it's serious. More young men than ever have erectile dysfunction. And that's just how it's serious for guys. That's not even mentioning how many relationships it's ruined and is ruining even as I type this. Educate yourself!
June 6, 2011 - 1:09pmThis Comment
I don't know how you can say addiction to porn is not a serious thing. It is very serious, especially when it affects your relationship with your spouse, family, and in some cases, your job. It can consume your whole life. Google "porn addiction" and read up my friend. Hopefully that will change your opinion.
September 25, 2009 - 5:00pmThis Comment
I am in the same boat, I am 18 years old and my husband and I have been married for little over a month. This morning I got on my history, and he has been looking at porn religiously for the past week, and maybe longer because my history is only a week long. I found the pictures, the websites, all of that, and I have had a really tough life, and its been hard trusting people. In this I took my vows seriously, and yet it seems he has forgotten his. I don't know what to do, I have no family or friends I need advice as well. Please I am begging someone to help me!
September 9, 2009 - 9:07amThis Comment
I got married when I was 18 as well. My husband was a bit worse than yours though. We didn't have a "honeymoon" stage because he would never actually come to bed. He had set up a room and would stay in there all night with his extra hard drive of porn. I loved my husband very much, and am not a bad looking woman. We have been over this so... many times. Actually, it is one of the only things we ever fight about. He says the reason he likes porn is for the variety. "It's like staring at a beautiful picture for a really long time and than seeing a flash of another picture. You want to know what the f*** that other picture was."
June 7, 2010 - 5:37amTry to talk to him about it. If it is going to ruin the love life for you than he NEEDS to know. To warn you: I have been telling my husband this for years, and he still hasn't changed. I actually just walked in on him this morning jacking off to a "Red headed slut." I am quoting here. I mean no offense. It isn't going to change unless they get help. And in order for them to get help, they have to want it.
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Hi,
August 8, 2009 - 8:37pmI am no expert but I understand were you are coming from about your husband addiction to porn. My husband is also addicted I can not tell you what do in your situation but what I can say is that he needs help from someone who can help with his addiction. Because there will come a time when it gets worse before it gets better.
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