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I want to be more like a woman.

By April 18, 2010 - 3:25am
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I'm 22 but act really young (i dont know whether its to do with having adhd)
But I have been with my 29 yr old boyfriend for two years and he loves me but says sometimes its hard as it feels like he's with a kid.when we argue i cant argue like an adult,i just get annoyed with what he says, I get sarcastic and roll my eyes and just act stupid .I understand as he says he is a man nearly 30 and he needs a woman, but i have low self esteem, i always think other women are better than me and that he would rather go out with them because they are mature, and confident. I even walk down the street trying to hold my head high but when people walk past me i look down or away as I dont want to make eye contact.I don't understand why I'm not confident, he says i'm beautiful and i know i am not ugly, but I still have very low confidence.

Even when things are fine, i do stupid things like dances, stupid voices and stuff i constantly crave his attention and get grumpy and paranoid when i dont get it.
I wish i was really mature i dont know how to be, i'm scared he will leave me for a mature woman then i will be devastated and dont know how i will cope.

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Hi Leanne-

I have several thoughts here. Have you been formally diagnosed with ADHD? Have you gotten any kind of treatment or therapy? Have you had any type of counseling to help you deal with your issues of low self esteem and lack of assertiveness? These are most certainly contributing to your difficulties in your relationship.

Have you considered that perhaps you and your boyfriend are just not a good match? Along with the age difference, it seems you like to be a little whimsical and maybe he doesn't appreciate that? Maybe it just isn't a good fit any longer.

Your age, 22, makes you a young adult. You are still trying to figure yourself out, find your way in life. At 29, your boyfriend is most likely in a different phase of his life. He is an adult approaching middle age. There is often quite a difference in mind-set between your ages. I'm not saying you can't make that work, but some ages are further apart in development than just years, if that makes sense. That may be an issue here.

Finally, I hear you making a lot of excuses for behavior you know is not great. It isn't that you can't act like an adult or not roll your eyes. You can. But you aren't. Look at the reasons for that. If you were happy and confident in yourself, you wouldn't act out in ways that you know are not helpful. So maybe some soul searching or counseling can help you come to terms with why you are doing things you feel are not helpful, and why you feel so insecure about yourself and your relationship.

Everyone deserves love and contentment, Leanne. Work on yourself and your insecurities and issues, and everything else will fall into place. You can be happy and secure whether you have a boyfriend or not.

Good luck.

April 18, 2010 - 8:50am
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