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I'm 19, he's 22. Our sex life was great, but then out of the blue it went south and got thrown into the trunk of a Cadillac.

By July 15, 2009 - 2:05am
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I am a 19 year old female who will be starting her fourth year as a Physics major at a local college. I plan on getting my doctorate by the time I am 23. In saying this, I hope to establish some credibility with the readers of this post. I have my head on straight, I am very goal oriented, and I normally do not let things get to me. I am very much the type to take the blow and move on. With that said, let us get into the juicy stuff.

My boyfriend (currently 22 years old) and I have been dating for over two years now. I received a promise ring 6 months into the relationship (a very nice three stone design, I might add) and that is when we decided to move in together... but therein also lies the problem. This is also around the time when my sex life started to slowly go down hill. It went from once or twice a day to three times a week. I was perfectly okay with this since it was the amount all of the other couples around me seemed to be at. Then it quickly dropped down to once a week, then once every two weeks, then once a month. I got every excuse in the book; "My head hurts." "I'm tired." "I'm hungry." "I just ate." "I don't feel good." "I'm too uncomfortable." When my feelings went from understanding to hurt and my requests turned into pleads, he would make sure he was doing something at all times until late in the night and I would finally just give into sleep. The lowest blow I got was on our one year. I took him out to the nicest restaurant in our city and I made sure the night was as magical as could be. I bought new clothes, new sexy undergarments... the works. I even whispered in his ear what was waiting for him and gave him a small peek. He seemed excited at the time... or so I thought. We got home, sat down and relaxed, watched a little Deadliest Catch, and to my excitement he stated that it was time to "go to bed". I practically jumped off of the couch, but did my best not to seem to eager. We went upstairs, he got undressed, laid down, and then proceeded to go to sleep before I even had my shirt all of the way unbuttoned. I felt worthless and rejected. Even my parents had sex on their anniversary. My mother was 60 for Pete's sake and my father wasn't too much younger!

The next day I was withdrawn and he finally managed to coax out of me what was wrong. I ended up crying, telling him that it hurt my feelings that he did not want to have sex with me anymore and I felt unwanted and unattractive. He just stared at me and told me that it worried him that sex was so important to me. Yes, at 18 sex was important to me. And at 19 it still is. In my mind it should be important to a man in his early 20's as well. I asked to sleep in different rooms that night.

After that I tried talking about it with him a few more times but I only got cold and short answers. Enough was enough for me. After about 8 months of getting sex maybe once a month, I told him that I was done. I was 19, my eyes were starting to wander, and I did not want to resort to having an affair. So I left and started dating. I dated men my age, I dated men twice my age, and I dated men whom I would have never given a second glance before. But every day got worse instead of better and I could not alleviate the sinking feeling in my gut . All that I could think was "what if". What if I was being cold hearted? Insensitive? How could I just leave him? Just because he would not talk or go to counseling does not mean that there isn't something wrong. So we ended up reuniting after a 2 month break and sex was great. For the first month or so. And again it started to taper and the trends started to show and here I am at 4 o' clock in the morning writing this because I am just so tired of it. Tired of having to lie to my female peers that I have to turn down sex all of the time because my boyfriend just can't get enough of me. I'm tired of listening to my friends in their 30's and 40's talk about how their sex life with their spouse has slowed over the past 15-20 years and they are only at twice a week now. I love my boyfriend. I really do. He is there for me when I need him, he makes me happy, and I want to eventually have a family with him and grow old with him. But if I am only getting sex once a month now, what's it going to be like when I'm 25? 30?

On another note, I do take care of my body. My measurements are 32DD-25-34. I am 5'2 and weigh 100 pounds, give or take a few. I've been told I have a pretty face and I do shower regularly. I understand that a lot of men lose interest in their significant others because their significant others lose interest in taking care of themselves. All I can think of is that it is me. I need to lose more weight, buy expensive clothes, wear more make up, less make up, and so on.

So after that novel, please tell me this empowher; why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

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EmpowHER Guest

What ever happened? Im in the same situation!!

April 3, 2018 - 8:06pm
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