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I have been with my boyfriend now for about 10 months.
At first things between us were very sensual and close. But in the last few months he has become distant and moody. I know he is having financial difficulties and struggling at university but I am so worried that he is just simply not attracted to me anymore.
Sometimes he make little comments, say for example, the other night he stated that my arm was fatter than his. And he's always on my back about doing more exercise. Now i suffer from Lupus SLE which leaves me absolutely exhausted at times and not much time in my life for extra exercise, he knows this too but seems to forget that a lot.
So i keep telling myself that it's not the fact he's not attracted to me but that he is suffering from some form of depression. And because he's not happy, he, without realising takes it out on me.
Anon.
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Hi anon,
I have to be honest, that after reading your question, I am wondering why you are still dating your boyfriend...or, at least, not dating some other men who don't make off-hand comments about your weight?
I think it is disrespectful, unkind and not in your best interest to date someone who makes you question yourself to this extent. You sound like a very warm, kind, beautiful and thoughtful person, and I am sure that your boyfriend has amazing traits as well...but maybe some time off would help him get his act together more. You are not responsible for diagnosing and finding treatment for him if he does have depression, but you can gently ask if he feels that his stress and sadness are consuming him, and if he would like help in seeking a professional to talk to. Depression, sadness, financial troubles, stress at school...these are not reasons to treat someone badly.
I hope you feel that you do deserve to date someone who does not make you question yourself, if have done something wrong, or if you are not beautiful enough or attractive enough. You ARE. You absolutely can find someone who sees all the beauty in you, lifts you up, brings out all of the positive energy, joy and happiness that you deserve...life is too short to wonder: "..is it me?", "what have I done wrong?", "why doesn't he find me attractive anymore?", "is he depressed, is that the reason he is treating me like this?".
Women are frequently in relationships that need to end, but feel that they are responsible for finding help for their boyfriend or to fix them. Your job is to take care of yourself and find others that bring out the best in you. If you need to help him, find him a counselor to talk with. If you can't leave him now, tell him how you expect to be treated, and that you will not tolerate being put-down or have comments made about your weight or arms or any other negative comment...there is enough negativity in our lives, that it does not need to come from those closest to us; you can expect more from him.
May 30, 2010 - 11:30amThis Comment