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Q: 

I'm a virgin. Will men not want to have sex with me because my vagina isn't pretty?

By Anonymous February 8, 2009 - 2:13pm
 
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Im 18 years old and I've never had sex. I'm afraid to because I am self-conscious about the way my vagina looks. The inner lips hang out and it is wrinkly and not 'aesthetically pleasing.' Any feedback will help!

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

The most common worry for women about their "parts" is that the inner labia are too long and a bit wrinkly...as far as I've ever seen, this is more normal than not. They are meant to be like this, in my estimation.
Surely your face is far more important!? That is what men find pretty!
I hope that it's not just your lady bits that he'll be talking to! If so...he is not worth the time of day!

February 9, 2009 - 6:36pm

As a mother of a daughter, your not having had sex at the "ripe old age of 18" is a good thing. Don't be in such a rush to lose your virginity, especially in this day and age of rampant sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

It's more important for you to maintain your self respect. The right person will eventually come into your life.

February 9, 2009 - 6:31pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm a guy (last I checked) and I think I speak for most men when I say that it doesn't matter. And if there is a guy for whom it matters, he certainly isn't worth sharing something as valuable as your sexuality with.

February 9, 2009 - 5:38pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

i am a female and i have the same problem, my inner flaps are visible and larger then my outer flaps, and i was extremely self concious of it to begin with, and then i got with my boyfriend of 10 months now, and realised that it really doesnt matter at all, he doesnt care and has never commented on it. i would say more females have it then not and it is nothing to be embarrassed about, you just have to feel comfortable with the person who you are going to lose ur virginity to, and make sure it is someone who you trust and feel comfortable with and not someone who is just willing to sleep with you for the sake of it, either way, high chance he wont even pay much notice to what it looks like. male genitals arent prety at all, and the boys arent afraid to show them off, so why should we be?
wait for the right person to come along, and it wont even matter at the time, it wont even cross you mind.
if you are comfortable enough, check out some porn sites and take notice of how many females share the same vagina as you and i, only 1 in about 20 pages on the site will have a vagina that resembles a babies vagina, and personally i dont find that very attractive, it would be like having intercourse with a young girl.

November 24, 2010 - 5:10am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for your question. I can assure you that you are normal.

Your labia minora (inner lips) can be naturally larger than the labia
majora (outer lips). This is perfectly normal.

Your genital appearance will change in your lifetime. They can become stretched
out once you have children or sex. According to Student Health from Oregon University,
labia minora can be stretched regardless of how often you've had intercourse.

There is plastic surgery options if you are concerned about your appearance. You
find information here http://studenthealth.oregonstate.edu/answerspot
/message.php?message=1502.

I hope this helps. Let us know what you decide.

February 8, 2009 - 3:16pm

Hi,
Well, just to get the terms right: your vagina is the opening to your cervix and uterus. Your vulva is the outer part, which includes the labia, which include "outer lips" and "inner lips".

It is completely normal: women have labia that are different in sizes, colors, shapes and even textures (some are smooth and some are wrinkly).

It does not sound like you are concerned with anything being wrong with your labia; just that you can not imagine someone else finding them attractive! It is an interesting question, and one that adults even wonder themselves. I would even venture a guess that everyone has felt this way at one time or another--men and women.

Depending on your view, genitalia may not be "aesthetically pleasing" on either gender. Men and women are told to "cover up" these parts. There are parts that are wrinkly, or smooth, or have hair, or are hanging down too much or not enough.

I'm not sure what I can say to ease your fears. Young men who are also 18 years are likely fearing that you are thinking their genitals don't look good: too small, too short, too wrinkly, too this, too that. Another way to look at it: do you find that you are attracted to the opposite sex's "private parts"? (assuming you are heterosexual). If so, that may be all the reassurance you need that the opposite sex also finds your "private parts" attractive, sexy and desirable. Please write back if you think there is something "wrong" about your labia. Have you been to a gynecologist yet? If you are thinking about becoming sexually active, now is the time to go, and your doctor will tell you if anything is "wrong".

I highly recommend reading The Vagina Monologues, as it is an easy read and is liberating to hear women talk about what they hate (and love) about their vaginas, labias, vulvas and the like.

February 8, 2009 - 2:59pm
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