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Hello , I am a 21 year old girl . I come from a conservative background. I go to university . The past two years I have fallen into the weirdest situation any girl can fall into .
During my second year of university , there is this guy who has spotted me on campus , he works with me in a voluntary work organization , he first made a move tried to speak with me , then , he added me on Facebook , then on windows live , we started to chat online , then someday a girl that doesn't know him well , comes up to me and says that I have a secret admirer. So , I keep searching and searching and thinking to find out who that is , sometimes the guy that I have been chatting with seemed like it was him other times it didn't!! that was amazingly frustrating , until i kept nagging the girl to tell me who it was , i kept guessing until i got it right, I must say that made me very happy , the above situation took over 9 months , 4 of which i was searching to see who is the secret admirer , it was a really tough time. Any who , after I knew it was him I was very happy , he had told her that he wanted to marry me , but he didn't want me to know about what he told her because it was too early , he wasn't financially prepared for marriage , during our work meetings we used to talk sometimes, but I am a very VERY shy person ,so i kept avoiding eye contact with him in addition to my conservative background that forbids me of going deeper in a relationship so mostly we spoke online , meanwhile another girl , that used to attend meetings with us started to move in on him , she is the cheap kind of girls , she throws herself on guys , tries to flirt with all guys , he was being mean to her on my account at first , until , another guy confessed that he liked me and that he wanted to marry me too , so i told the secret admirers sister in order for him to know and maybe come forward about how he feels about me , (he doesn't know that I know who he is ) , so secret admirer notices that the other guy has a lot more to show for marriage wise , he didn't instead when he knew about the other guy he started to drift away further and further. and now we hardly speak I never knew i can hate someone so much, he also hangs out A LOT with the cheap girl , and when they met up in university when they used to see me when they are together they used to hide away from me , which was very obvious because both of them st aired at me , I m starting to think Am a rebound girl , or that he was just messing around with me.
conclusion , i lost both guys , and I don't know if secret admirer likes me or not, or if he is with cheap girl now! =( .
Does anyone have an analysis to the whole thing that may put my mind to ease?!?!
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Anon,
I don't think you need to "confront" anyone here. It doesn't really seem like he did anything wrong. But if you can work through your shyness enough to have an honest conversation with him, sure, there's nothing at all wrong with that. It does NOT make you "cheap" in ANY way.
Before you think about what you would want to ask him, be sure to consider what his responses might be and how you would respond to them. For instance, he could say "Sure, I always liked you but I wasn't sure you liked me back." Or he could say, "Yes, I used to really like you but now I am with someone else. Can we just be friends?" Or he could say, "You seem to shy that I thought you didn't like me." Or he could say 10 other things. Be sure, before you ask, how you would feel if he said any of those things.
Shyness is very difficult for many people. My best friend in high school was horribly shy. You may have to push yourself to make eye contact, talk to people personally, and enjoy conversations -- but it will be worth it. Let the world see the person who is inside you! Don't hide her!
June 23, 2010 - 8:47amThis Comment
Thanks a lot for your replies . I appreciate it. =)
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yes , I would like someone of the same religion , seeing that it would make everything easier. and I can sit with him get to know him better , yes that is permissible, but i am too shy to do so. :(
Now I was just wondering if i should confront him about the whole situation and get it over with or will it make me the cheap one , you know? I don't like the vagueness but i don't want to throw myself all over either.
I still see him around and its either i CAN'T get through my head that he DOESN'T like me anymore or that he really doe's still like me! :S , I can see it in his eyes , the way he talks to me.
Just for the record, I didn't like a few "someone's" I liked one person all along but kept the options open! after all there was NOTHING between us.! and as easy as it sounds to just turn your back and walk away only ...IT ISN'T !
June 22, 2010 - 10:25amThis Comment
Anon,
I agree with Alison, and would like to add something. Part of what makes this so difficult is because there was so little communication between the two of you (you and the secret admirer guy). It may be that after he met the other girl and found out about the other guy who was interested in you and was better off, he felt like he had more possibilities with the other girl. We learn whether we like someone or don't like them by chatting and spending time with them. When it's hard to do that, it's hard to learn how we really feel about them.
What does your religion permit or not permit? May you not have in-person conversations with a man? Are you allowed to go on a date? Is it important to you to meet and possibly marry someone who is of the same religion?
June 22, 2010 - 8:50amThis Comment
I am so sorry...I know it is difficult to like someone (or, a few "someone's"!), and lose them. I don't know why it is important to you to have others analyze this situation, as it sounds like you are old enough to know that all of this story is common, and is referred to as "dating". No analysis, just keep befriending both men and women, stay away from immature girlfriends who tease you with an "admirer" (if you expect to find mature men, I suggest staying out of this high school mentality, and find friends and potential dates who can communicate openly and directly to you), and just have fun meeting new people and practice on your direct communication skills as well!
June 20, 2010 - 7:12pmThis Comment