I've recently had my 3rd child and in the beginning of this last pregnancy, I expierienced major hormonal issues. I was very intimmidated/jealous/furious/sad with my husband masterbating. I was about 3 months along and woke up around 3 am to soft porn on my tv and him masterbating beside me. Now I never had an issue with this during my other pregnancies or with it in general. I used to do it several times a day myself. But for some strange reason I was furious about this! I literally felt like I had caught him with another woman. I jumped out of the bed and ran out of my room screaming at him and in tears. For the last 2 weeks prior to this I had initiated sex with him multiple times and he kept turning me down. He would fall asleep b4 I even got in the bed after putting my other 2 childern to bed. I suppose I had just had enough of the rejection. He very rarely ever makes the first move and never uses any kind of foreplay on me. Now fast forward to now...recently I tried to explain how I want more "spice" in the bedroom and even told him about my hidden toy (which hadn't been used since tht fight) and even told him I was reading porn. (Watching porn doesn't really do it for me) He had no comments about any of it. Last night I tried to be spontaneous and put on a show for him with me and my toy and after a few minutes I found he was very turned on. He had never told me he liked that b4. This morning I was aboit to walk in our bedroom and heard him lock his phone and get out of the bed. I turned around and acted like I was doing laundry. I was alittle curious about what he'd been doing so I waited till he left fpr work b4 snooping. I found a wet t shirt beside our bed. I knew he'd done it and texted him and told him I knew and hoped he was thinking of me and not the girl in the video. Just playing around. Anyways. I'm just wondering why I still feel the urge to strangle him and yell at him if it really doesn't bother me anymore. I should also note tht I have a body image disorder and and am a few pounds over weight from the last pregnancy. So what does all of this mean and how do I deal wih it?
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