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Mum and brother getting me down. Please help?

By January 18, 2010 - 2:14am
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I am 19 years old and moved out from my mum's house a year ago to live with my partner. My mum is divorced from my dad who lives about 40 miles away but my mum and dad have still stayed close after 13 years apart. Now my brother who is 23 is jobless after quitting his very good job 7 months ago. He has a 16 year old girfriend and they stop at my mums house making it messy and just lie in bed all day.A week ago she kicked him out and thats where all the problems started. He gets aggressive when he gets told off and he pushed my mum (in the past he has knocked her out) she is far 2 soft with him and on the weekend let him back in for a shower and change his clothes, this morning she has been on the phone 2 me saying her old wedding, engagment and enernity ring has been stolen. its so hard cause i feel like im stuck in the middle but i have my own problems, im out of work and cant get any money cause im living with my partner. But i dont want 2 leave my mum on her own cause she is heartbroken but everytime i tell her 2 just kick him out for good she says it would be to hard. He has made it pretty obvious he does not care about her to take her rings that mean the world to her and go and spend it on smoking and drinking. please help ?

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi, Since i last wrote my brother has moved out with his 16 year old girlfriend. She is a real trouble maker and has already got him beat up. My mum is alot happier since he has left but it seems im the target with my parents now. My dad wants nothing 2 do with my brother but my mum says he can still visit (although he never makes a effort even on mothers day) But in myself i feel great. I started a new job after being unemployed since last july. It seems that since my brother has left that they have just forgotten about him and are jsut pretending that im there only child! I have been engaged for nearly 2 years and they are still picking falts with my other half. Thank you for your message.

March 23, 2010 - 2:23am
(reply to Anonymous)


So glad to hear from you. I am sorry that your brother is in a bad situation, but I'm very glad that he's moved out of your mother's house. But I'm happiest that things are going well for you. Starting a new job is wonderful! May it bring you only good things. And hang in there with your other half. Your family may come around yet. :)

March 23, 2010 - 10:14am
EmpowHER Guest

Diane is right just hang in there dont forget that she needs to be careful you dont know what someone is going to do

March 19, 2010 - 10:18am

Thank you for the comments. I think its the best advice that you gave me. The police came over last night to talk to my mum and they are going to handcuff him and arrest him and leave him in a cell for a bit to worry him. Hopefully it will make him realise he has done wrong. Thank you for the comments!

January 21, 2010 - 12:45am
(reply to bexiboo)


Just wondering how you all were doing; it's been a couple of months since you last wrote. How is the situation at home? Have there been any developments? And very importantly, how are YOU doing?

March 22, 2010 - 8:56am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to bexiboo)

Bexiboo I'm really sorry about what's happened to you. But look at the positive things in life because when you attract positive things they come to you so stay and think positivley and if you do that I'm almost positive that things WILL get better.

March 19, 2010 - 12:25pm
(reply to bexiboo)


It is good that there is some authority involved in this situation, and I hope that helps you withdraw from it even more. Continue to support your mom emotionally while keeping yourself from getting involved. And if there's a chance that your brother will be violent toward your mother when he gets out of the jail cell, she needs to tell the police that she fears for her safety. And change her locks while she's at it, if he has a key.

Hang in there, Bexiboo. You have a lot of support and understanding here.

January 21, 2010 - 9:54am
EmpowHER Guest

This really does sound like an abusive situation, where your mom's being abused and exploited by your brother, Bexiboo. Your mother needs to get your brother and his girlfriend out of her house iommediately, and, since he does clearly have a tendency towards violence, she may need to enlist the help of a counselor and/or the authorities to help get rid of your brother. Even though your mother's a proud woman, her safety, health and overall welfare and well-being, and possibly her life are at stake, and she needs the kind of help in dealing with this nasty situation, which you're clearly not qualified to give her. It sounds as if the only way you can help is to be supportive of your mom in any other way that you can, however. Good luck.

January 19, 2010 - 10:28pm


I echo everything Susan said. This is a situation that is not going to get better anytime soon, and it can only hurt you to get more involved in it.

I understand pride, and I can understand why your mom might have difficulty admitting to someone else that there are problems. But keep encouraging her to think about it. This is an area where you CAN help, by reminding her that there's nothing wrong with asking for help. Clearly she's in a situation that she can't control, and she needs help in order to change that behavior. You can't help because you're too close to the situation. You might even find the name of a therapist or counselor in your area and write down the name and number for her, so she has it in case she ever has a change of heart. But for the rest of it, you have to let her deal with this on her own. You can listen, of course, but don't put yourself in the position of being a problem solver. You need to be strong just like you want your mom to be strong.

Hang in there, Bexiboo. We're here for you.

January 19, 2010 - 9:05am

My dad and my brother do not get on at all ever since he walked out on my mum. He never seems to help cause he is always on the other end of the phone and never there helping out. My mum is a very proud woman and i dont think she would ever go to a counselor. The thing is he does all this stuff to her but she still lets him come back, this afternoon he came back home for a shower (or to wipe the box he took the rings out of)!! Everytime i advise my mum to not let him back in she says he is always her son. I think she needs to keep him out untill he comes back begging. I'm just so stressed out about it and my partner seems to be giving me no support saying other things are more important.

January 18, 2010 - 12:01pm
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