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Hello, I really hope that you can help me out. okay...in the beginning of our relationship and for a good while my boyfriend would have a great amount of sex...not everyday but way more frequent than now. I asked him about it and he told me that its not me or anything. But heres the situation. I am 6 months pregnant so he tells me that since its a new situation and hes nervous and anxious that interferes with it. But its sooooo frustrating to me because I know that if I were the one that rejected him..all hell would break loose, butttt....when its me thats being rejected over and over and Im patient. Dont get me wrong, I dont expect it all the time, just more often especially since im pregnant. Now I let it go and excepted that we may not be having as much sex as before but i found out that hes been looking at porn and it hurts me more now because I feel as if he can look at that but he cant even give in when I want it. Alssoo.. its soo weird to me because hes the one who is/was the sex crazii one. please help me and I hope I was clear enough in explaining my situation. thank you.
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Anon,
You explained yourself perfectly. Welcome to EmpowHer, and thanks so much for writing.
Like Rosa said, many men change when their wives or girlfriends become pregnant. It's a confusing time because all of a sudden, their lover and friend is pregnant with their child and going to become a mother! Everything is changing with her physically and with life in general. They are going to become a father, and it makes them see things differently.
Your boyfriend might be scared that he could hurt you and/or the baby. Or it may be that he's not used to seeing a pregnant woman and thinking she's sexy. Especially if this is his first child. Indeed, everything in both your lives is going through a big adjustment, and he's having some difficulty with that.
Realize that your hormones are going crazy right now, and that his are not.
Do you think that this is a temporary thing? Or are you worried that his use of the pornography is a bigger, longer-term problem? There is nothing wrong with looking at porn unless it hurts someone in the process; have you told him how you feel about it?
Here is a trimester-by-trimester guide to sex during pregnancy:
http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/sex-during-pregnancy-is-it-safe
And if you scroll down in this article there is some advice on positions, and some comments from men:
http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/sexuality/a/sexinpreg.htm
Here's an article for dads-to-be on how their sex lives change:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-your-sex-life-will-change-as-a-dad-to-be_1291080.bc
And here's an article on their fears:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25707457/
Do these help a little? I agree with Rosa; try not to feel rejected. It has more to do with the pregnancy than it does with you. But do try to talk about it. And, yes, congratulations!!!
February 18, 2010 - 7:32amThis Comment
thank you soooo much and everything you said makes sense and its pretty much what he told me also. maybe i just needed a females advice also. i like this empower thing.lol. i will definately return with updates..
February 18, 2010 - 7:06pmThis Comment
Dear Anon,
Thank you for posting and welcome to EmpowHer. I'm sorry you're feeling rejected by your boyfriend but the thing about men is that when we are pregnant they all react differently. Some men LOVE pregnant women, they even get turned on by the fact that you are carrying their child. On the other hand, there are men who are not so turned on by their pregnant girlfriends/wives and some that just cannot have sex with them while they are pregnant. Don't take it as a form of rejection-- it is a psychological thing during your pregnancy. Afterward, when you are back to being just YOU, he will want to have sex with you and you will probably be the one rejecting him.
Good Luck, be patient, and try not to let the porn upset you. Congratulations on the little one on the way!
February 18, 2010 - 7:18amThis Comment