I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months, and we have been officially boyfriend and girlfriend for 3 months. He is 33 and I am 27. The past month or so, he never, ever initiates sex or even kisses me passionately. He says he is under a lot of stress working long hours and trying to catch up with his bills. We have fought about this, as he gets angry when I bring it up, and I end up in tears. I love him so much. Every other part of our relationship shows me he does truly love me. He has brought up the future, marriage, and even says he wants to adopt my 5 year old daughter. He calls and checks in with me all the time when we're not together, tells me he loves me "with all his heart and soul," and is wonderful with my little girl. But the lack of intimacy is breaking my heart. I used to feel beautiful and sexy, but now my self esteem has hit rock bottom. He tells me I'm sexy and beautiful, but it is hard to believe it when he doesn't act on it. I am fairly certain he is not cheating, but at this point everything has crossed my mind as I have never experienced this before. It is ego crushing. He is a wonderful man, and aside from this issue I could see myself possibly spending the rest of my life with him. But I cannot live in a sexless relationship. I asked him why he doesn't kiss me anymore, and he said he is just tired and doesn't feel the need to, that he enjoys just holding me. I wonder if you love someone how you could not feel the need to kiss passionately. He does kiss me, but he won't make out with me unless I ask him to. The other night after a big fight, he told me, "I do know how you feel, I have been in your shoes of wanting sex more than the other person." I know he was trying to be supportive, but this just got me hysterical all over again! With someone else he wanted it all the time, but with me he doesn't and its a problem! He said it was many years ago when he didn't have the stress, but now I just can't get it out of my head. For the record I have not changed physically at all since he first met me. I am exactly the same weight, same everything. We have sex only about once a week, which I initiate 9 out of 10 times. I go down on him maybe a 1 or 2 times a week. Which I love to do and quite frankly would do everyday if I didn't fear I might be rejected. I want to have sex and go down on him all the time, everytime we're together. Why doesn't he want it??! He does a lot for me and my daughter, and is very supportive in other ways. He does have a motorcycle, a "crotch rocket," that he's had for five years. I researched and found something about riders having erectile, fertility, libido, and impotence problems. Could this be the cause? Once he is erect, he can stay erect, but he does take a little while to gain an erection, longer than any other guy I've been with. I suppose a few minutes, whereas other men I have been with it was instant. But he's also older than my exes, could his age be a factor? I thought 33 was still young, but I feel like I know nothing anymore! When we do have sex he ejaculates quickly, about 5 minutes usually. Is he just not attracted to me? But if thats the case, why are all the other signs there that he loves me? He always wants to spend time with me and calls me multiple times a day, pays for things for me and my daughter, even though I never asked or expected it. He says he does it because he wants to and he loves us. He works long hours in the heat, could this be part of it? Also, I have noticed that he does not take very good care of himself. He has not seen a doctor in years, has had blood in his stool for five years, drinks about 5 energy drinks a day, and physically abuses his body at work carrying more weight than I think he should at a time. He also eats take out all the time, and junk food. I tell him I will cook, but he never wants to be bothered to go grocery shopping. And he smokes. Please help! Could he be cheating on me?? My heart says he isn't but my mind keeps going there as I simply cannot fathom a man not wanting sex, unless he simply isn't attracted to me anymore! I truly love him and can't bring myself to leave him. Please help!!
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