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my boyfriend doesnt want me anymore

By October 26, 2009 - 10:24pm
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we have been dating about a year even when we first started having sex it was not very often but now we are not having any at all. i have already talked to him about it and he says it is just not a priority to him. i am 21 and he is 23. is this normal?i am a pretty girl i even do some promo modeling. i just dont understand. for example tonight i made dinner i wore his fave shirt of mine and after we ate about mid movie i started kissing him then all of a sudden he turned away. i was hurt so i got up and said softly im going to bed i was holding back tears and he could tell, he huffed and said i was being stupid and that he was watching a movie shouldnt he want me more then a movie. i am positive he is not gay or cheating on me. i feel like there is nothing left for me to do but leave, but i am so in love with him its extreamly hard. i have never delt with this befor but i have also never felt this strongly so i dont want to give up but is that the only answer. (i have allready tried seducing, ignoring and talking to him)

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EmpowHER Guest

wow thats amazing, im in your EXact situation, 1 year.. hes 23 im 21...so AFFECTiONETE and loving, sweet, cute caring...but no SEX :(...wats up

November 22, 2009 - 3:01pm

Many women have asked this exact same question, so you are not alone.

Please do not "blame" yourself, or try to convince others that you are worthy of your boyfriend's love and physical affection...of course you are, whether you are a runway model or "just" the girl-next-door.

If sex is not your boyfriend's priority, then what is? Is a healthy, happy and fulfilling relationship his priority? If so, how does he wish to achieve this with another person? These are the questions you need to ask him, as "sex" is not the issue here, but rather, his lack of communicating with you that his priorities have changed.

Please know that was is even more important than just sex is all forms of physical, mental and emotional intimacy...not just intercourse...that create a happy, healthy and fulfilling long-term relationship. If he is uninterested in all of these forms of intimacy, then is he interested in a friendship only (because, that is what he would have). He can not have the title of a relationship without putting in the work to create a loving partnership, which does include intimacy. This is where the conversation needs to start. It is OK if this is not what he wants any longer, but it is not OK for you to berate yourself for not being good enough to "seduce" him, and it is not OK for him to pretend to not know and dismiss the change in the relationship; it is both of your responsibilities to communicate openly, honestly and truthfully, and be authentic with yourselves and your needs...even if this means you two are on different paths.

October 27, 2009 - 8:47am
(reply to Alison Beaver)

thankyou for your reply the only thing is he is very affectionate in every way exsept sex he loves to cuddle and kiss when we are sleeping he always has his arms around me and he showes me attention like he wants to have sex but then just doesnt

October 27, 2009 - 11:22am
(reply to alexwest)

It is wonderful to hear back from you, and I am glad to hear that there is some physical intimacy between the two of you.

I think this will help you the most (read in its entirety, but the last paragraph is the recommendation) from our sex expert, Dr. Marty Klein: Sex Nonexistent, what should I do?.

I would love to hear your thoughts after reading/hearing this segment (it is both an audio, with written transcript).

October 27, 2009 - 11:38am
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