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Q:
My boyfriend doesn't want me anymore.
By
Anonymous
May 29, 2017 - 7:42am
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Me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years, were quite young, I'm 22 and he's 25. I've always been quite submissive and it turns me off to have to initiate sex, I think this stems from how low my self confidence is. All I want is to feel sexually appealing and for him to want me but he just doesnt. We have boring same sex every twoish weeks which never really gets me off and rarely gets him off and that's it. He calls me pretty but unless I push for a compliment he never says anything sexual about me. In the past (when we first got together) he used to be really creepy with other girls and say stuff about them infront of me and never say Any of that stuff about me, he also used to sext a girl he worked with when we were together. He also had an obsession (and thats not over exaggerating) about porn. It took us about 1 year to work through those problems which absolutely destroyed all the confidence I did have and it did lead to eating disorders (making myself sick, laxative abuse, eating under 500 calories per day) which I still struggle with, I've also spent about 4,500 pounds on plastic surgery over the past few years thinking I'd be more attractive . I have gotten over blaming all this on him even though I know if he treat me right to begin with I don't think my confidence or health (physically and mentally) would be like this. He doesn't do any of that stuff now and he's really defensive if I suspect or get jealous of a girl, even though I have seen him looking at other women which I don't think would bother me as much if we hadn't been through what we have. I'm really attracted to him but I feel like since he stopped what he did with other girls and watching porn he has no interest hardly in sex, I thought when it had all stopped all his sexual desires would transfer onto me but it's not the case at all. I lay in bed and try kiss him and press my body on him to try and get him to intiate something but all the time I get 'what are you looking at' or 'what's wrong' or most of the time 'stop it I'm trying to watch this'. I've brought it up before but he just seems to get in a bad mood and nothing changes. I know if he treat me like he wants me and is.. as wrong as this may sound.. obsessed with me, I'd be so much less jealous, depressed (I'm on anti depressants and have been for the past two years), self conscious, etc. I love him more than anything and I know we're soul mates but this is getting me down so much. I don't know what else to do.
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After reading your post I must say I felt so much anger well up inside of me because it triggered very similar the things that I went through with my relationship of 8 years. We had a great sex life and even if we fought we had great make-up sex. I learned early in our relationship that my bf was really in to porn what I didn't realize was that he was addicted and what started out as fun to watch together became a complete nightmare for me. He was on porn and masterbating so much eventually he began choosing the porn over me. He was also involved with many dating sites and I learned that not only was porn getting him off but he had memberships to live cam girls so he was having sex in "real time" and that to me was the same as cheating he had a cam she had a cam they watched each other while they talked sexually! Even now my stomache is in knots thinking about how this absolutely destroyed any bit of self esteem I ever had. He became violent with me and we broke up several times it was really bad. Eventually after a 6month seperation we started seeing each other but he was not the same man he is now extremely distant and very quiet abnormally quiet he doesnt seem to be watching porn etc, and we get a long but it's very shallow and it's confusing because it's been almost 2 years since he stopped touching me except i can count on one hand the times. He doesn't fight with me he just seems with drawn. I am working through the horrible hurt that he hurled onto me including cheating with other women at one point. I probably shouldn't be with him because I believe sex is important and I just dont understand the complete reverse behavior in him. I almost think it's another game. I guess I needed to share this because the pain has been almost crippling emotionally. I do hope that anyone suffering like some of us women have finds help and the best guidance for this. thanks
June 6, 2017 - 10:33pmSyn. Nyx
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It seems you are trying so many things to keep your guy in your hands.
May 29, 2017 - 10:12pmThis Comment
Hello Anonymous,
Welcome to EmpowHER. I am glad you reached out to our community to share your story.
Consider getting a place of your own. Focus on loving yourself and building your self-esteem. This relationship does not sound like it is fostering your well being.
Regards,
May 29, 2017 - 8:34amMaryann
This Comment