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My boyfriend dosnt want to have sex with me anymore!?! He's NOT cheating, so what could it be?

By February 24, 2011 - 1:40pm
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My boyfriend and i have been going out for a yr come this march. In the beginning we had lots of sex all the time everywhere anywhere....the lust of a new relationship i guess, but after about a month the amount our sex started to decrease rapidly. It went from 3 times a day every day to once a day half-asses in the middle of the night to early morning, to 2 times a week to maybe once every 7-8 days. I have been in constant struggle and battle with him for sex ever since. Iv brought it up before but it's to the point now where he just says "the more you talk about it the more it makes me never want to touch you ever again"

Iv thought about different things that could be causing this strange behavior. Yes, he is super stressed about work and now finances b/c we are about to have a baby. When we first started dating we found out that he had contracted Chlamydia and Herpes from a one night stand he stupidly had unprotected....we found out when i was rushed to the hospital 7 days after our first unprotected intercourse due to an out break so sever i couldn't move and going to the bathroom from either end was so painful i was afraid to do so and would keep it in for as long as i could. He doesn't show symptoms, in fact he had his first sign of an outbreak last month, and so is skeptical about weather or not he even has it or what it is. He has even tried to blame it on me, saying hes never had problems before...when he has slept with at least 50 girls most of them w/o protection and when i had met him i had only had PROTECTED sex with one guy, and only 2 times with him, and to top it off said guy was a virgin as well and i was abstinent for 2yrs after we split. Yet my boyfriend is in a constant state of denial. He admitted at one point that this "condition" freaked him out and was a turn off. He also carries a lot of emotional baggage, so i thought he might have ED of some sort, he also doesn't exercise a lot...or ever. He is 6 foot 4 265lbs currently. One of his ex girlfriends told me that he was always begging her for sex she never had to ask, said they did it at least 8x a day....and she was cheating on him! (and he knew) but while talking to her she also added that she and him had a lot of 3somes w/o rules. I don't want to feel like i have to let my boyfriend and the father of my baby have sex with other women just so he will have sex with me, and right now b/c of our health condition even if i wanted to i couldn't let him risk the health of another girl like that....or worse contract something new! My boyfriend even turned me down on the night of my birthday, he instead came home and played video games for 2hrs and left me to go to sleep...when he came into the room he asked why i was still awake, i told him i was waiting on him and my birthday sex he replied with "its not your birthday any more you should have just gone to sleep" (he had to work form 10am-10pm so it was after midnight) i started crying instantly, he even had the nerve to ask why. I just don't know what to do....I'm 19 and he is 25 there is no reason for our sex life to be this dry. I constantly feel neglected and unwanted by him, he would rather watch family guy re runs than have sex with me. He says he loves me, but im afraid that's just a cover up b/c im having his first and only kid, although i do feel loved at times i never feel "wanted" anymore.

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EmpowHER Guest

Ok I posted the last post abt my bf not wanting to have sex & I'm 8 months preg. Well there's a new prob, we were attempting it & he Cldnt keep going bc it wldnt cooperate (if u know wha I mean). I just layed down & cried for over an hr while he used the excuse "his knee hurt" however it has hurt in the past & that didn't happen. The prob with sex started abt 3 months ago, coincidentally around the time I started gaining weight. He says it has nothing to do with that bt I have a hard time believing that. At this point Ido what to believe! I'm devastated bc I think it's me & he's just not attracted to me anymore although he denies it completely. He doesn't even look at me the same, he gives me these looks that make me feel so insecure, like he's disgusted by me. It hurts so bad that he rejects me that I feel like I dnt want to even go through it anymore. I told him if things dnt change I'm leaving him bt he acts like I'm just talking & I'm not serious bt I am. If it were to come to that wld I be making the right decision or am I being selfish???

August 4, 2013 - 3:40pm
EmpowHER Guest

My bf & I have been together a total of 5 months & I'm 8 mons preg. In the beginning our sex life was awesome! We did it everyday & he was always all over me. We have never had the traditional missionary type sex, it can be rough & wild or a little forceful bt we both enjoyed it. It was always very hot & very enjoyable. We did break up after the 1st 2mons bt then I found out I'm preg so we got back together. For a while sex was good bt then the farther along I got the less he wanted sex. I begged, cried, & bitched everyday bc he just wanted to go to sleep bc he said he wasn't interested in sex & had a low sex drive. Ok here's the thing, he is what wld be considered the player type & at one time he had a list of over 50 girls he had slept with. So u can imagine how I wld think the prob is me being 8mons preg & unattractive. He says he is turned on by me bt I can't tell. I beg & bitch all the time til I finally get it once a wk maybe. Now he's doing this "I'm tired" going to bed early everynight just so I wnt bother him with it. When he does do it he is just doing it to shut me up. The crazy part is that it's amazing even if it's 1 time a wk. I need to feel loved & closer to him bc he's always distant & sex is how I feel loved bc he's not the kind to show emotion. We use to have a sex life that rocked the house bt now he hardly touches me. I'm doing good if I get a peck on the lips, a hug & "I love u". He has rolled over & went to sleep 3 nights in a row when he use to kiss me, say I love u & told our baby belly goodnight. Oh another thing.. His boss just hired a 19yr old where he wrks & I saw her staring at him the whole time I was there bt she's sup to be sleeping with another guy who wrks there. Well she worked there 2 wks before I found out . I discovered this by a post she put on his FB wall. He accepted her friend request. Since she's been there he's always working over when he dnt get paid for it although she is sup to leave at 3. This girl is the tramps type who wld steal any man away. She's 100lbs &. I'm 200lb. He's never been into big girls although I'm preg. I have had a feeling that will not go away that says he's cheating bt he swears he's not. He wnt touch me so idk what I'm sup to think.any advice?

August 1, 2013 - 12:50am
EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problem with my boyfriend, split personality! for sure! im 19 hes 20. I feel like Im begging for his attention. I feel like im the only one who wants to have sex. were down to once a day. which sucks because we used to have sex ALOT. now i just feel unattractive and sad. because I try really hard to dress good and look sexy for him and still nothing! We've been together for almost a year, and same problem for me he has herpes. Oh how is that going to effect your baby?

May 18, 2011 - 10:13pm

It could be anything you havnt really given a whole lot of information on your problem. Best advice talk to your man :)

March 2, 2011 - 5:17pm

I been my baby dad for 5 years the sex stop when i had my baby now he is 2 years old whats going on

March 2, 2011 - 3:01pm

Sounds like you are a young mother to be. I wish young people would wait longer to become parents. But more importantly it sounds like you need counceling. Many men have problems sexually when their partner is pregnant. I hope for you that once the baby comes this will help his situation but I would still recommend counceling.

February 27, 2011 - 5:33pm

Hi Solara21410,
Thank you for joining the EmpowHer community and I hope that we can help you with your situation. You may want to join either of these groups to find support from other women dealing with a similar issue:

February 24, 2011 - 6:20pm

Your boyfriend seems very distant to you and selfish, its not right there is a problem and you sure do not deserve to be treated like this. Have you had a mature adult talk together about the situation? It really could be anything. At his age i dont think a low libido is in the scene tho it may just be that as every male is different. He might have a lot of stress going on? How far in to your pregnancy are you? as being his first child may be freaking him out a bit ? With the sexually transmitted stuff that you have mentioned, it could be something to look up on, such as a health check up to see if it has affected him in any suspect could be self issues such as embarrassment? The first thing i would be doing is having a one on one adult talk. If that does not work you need to jump it up to the next step as in councilling? Talking to your health specialist ?

February 24, 2011 - 3:44pm
(reply to Babibubbles)

He is always stressed about something, has always been like this since iv known him. He is vary excited about having his first baby, When i first met him he thought he was infertile and this caused an extreme depression, so when we found out i was pregnant he was overjoyed. He is surprisingly open with me and we talk often about things that may be bothering the either of us, however some things don't come to a solution. I am due to have our daughter March 25th, iv talked with my OB and he says it wont hurt the baby any to have sex, but that i should call if anything changes or i start to have problems and i will receive further advice from there. I can tell he is embarrassed about the STD, and is to proud to admit to anything. If it had been the other way around and i was the one who had given it to him i would feel terrible, and be ashamed of my actions, i can only imagine he feels some sort of regret for his but hasn't quite come to terms with himself yet....iv never blamed him, it wasn't on purpose after all and i can tell hes hurting inside trying to come to terms. When it first happened he held me and rocked me with tears in his eyes and said "whatever this is we'll get through it together....and for what its worth im sorry" Those few words iv held on to this whole time, they give me strength to go on. He's not a bad guy, im just having trouble understanding him and his actions toward me.

February 25, 2011 - 1:10pm

Am so sorry for you to be going through this.This is to much on you especially if you are pregnant.I think that maybe its time for you to give each other a break.You do not deserve to be treated like this in any shape or form.It seems like you are the only one who have/is suffering...Do you love your self and your unborn child more than this man who seems to b very selfish???I hope things work out for you.

February 24, 2011 - 3:10pm
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