Facebook Pixel

My boyfriend & I aren't having as much sex as we used to

By November 6, 2009 - 11:21pm
Rate This

Okay, so I'm 21, & my boyfriend is 23, & we have great relationship. We have been together for almost 2 years. The only problem is that our sex live keeps going down more & more & I can't take it. I have a very high sex drive, & my boyfriend seems to have a pretty low one. Don't get me wrong, when we have sex, it's wonderful. When we first started going out, we would have sex like 3 or 4 times a day, now I'm lucky if it's twice a week. We spend 24/7 together, but our relationship isn't like most others. We work at the same place, & we rarely get sick of each other. Yes, we have our little arguments, but we get over them & the reason we spend so much time together is because we can't get enough of each other, & can't stand to spend a minute apart. It just gets me really frustrated when I am the only one initiating sex, every night, & he always comes up with an excuse. He has a kid with his ex girlfriend, who he never talks to, & I don't like the fact that he has a kid very much, but there's nothing I can do about it, so I'm wondering if that has anythig to do with it. Please help?

Add a Comment2 Comments

Susan gave you wonderful advice, and I am wondering if you've talked...and really listened...with your boyfriend about his child. Your first post sounded like the child is more of a nuisance to you, and then your subsequent posts say that your boyfriend is going through a situation of trying to remedy the child custody issues?! Do you see the discrepancy here: you are worried that your boyfriend isn't having more sex with you ("showing his love", perhaps), and I'm wondering if you are feeling insecure that his attention and emotional, physical energy are being spent on his child and the custody issue, and that you don't think enough of it is being spent on you? Deep down...do you think this is a fear you may have? What happens if your boyfriend has custody, or spends more time with his child that you don't like in his life...are you afraid of what that means to you, or to your relationship with him, or that you will need to have a different perspective on his child?

This is HUGE in his life, and I'm hoping you are able to support him emotionally through this process; it could really drain him and he may not feel like having sex frequently at this time. Even if you don't think this child custody "thing" is a big deal for him...it is definitely some type of stressor that could be weighing on him just enough to cause a difference in his sex drive.

Plus...you say you love him, and this child is in the way...do you think that he may be worried that you feel this way toward his child?

November 8, 2009 - 2:13pm
EmpowHER Guest

Thank you, but until we each get separate jobs, we're not going to be spending much time apart. He would definitely tell me if he didn't feel like he was getting enough space. I honestly even dropped most of my friends just to be with him, only because that's what I do whenever I get a boyfriend. I know it's a bad habit, but I really have no idea why I do it. I've never been cheated on, so I have no trust issues. We have mutual friends that we hang out with a lot, just not separately.
About the child; the other grandmother, his ex-girlfriend's mother, is his child's primary guardian. He lives with her, & they have certain days where they switch with him on and off. Neither him nor his ex-girlfriend have full custody of the child yet, they're still in the process of an appeal.

November 7, 2009 - 1:56pm
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!