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Q: 

My boyfriend never wants to have sex anymore, but he still looks at other girls in sexy poses on Facebook!

By Anonymous September 14, 2011 - 3:56am
 
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I'm 21 years old and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together nearly 2 and a half years and have just moved in with my parents after University has finished.

We haven't had sex now for a month. I'm quite a sexual person, and so is he, at the start of our relationship we had sex nearly every day. As I started staying at his more often the sex reduced a bit, as we were more comfortable just being together, without the sex. We have both been used to having a few weeks apart at summer and things, and then when we got back the sex would be amazing, but now we never do it and it's making me upset.

I try and start something, but he brushes it off saying he doesn't feel like it. We have moved back with my parents so I understand it can be hard because we have to be quiet and things, but they have been away on holiday and we have had the house to ourselves and the situation still hasn't changed - he asked for oral sex the other day and I gave it to him thinking that it would start something, but I got nothing in return.

We have both just started full time jobs so maybe he is stressed about this. I have tried to be sexy for him, but I just feel disgusting as my own boyfriend doesn't even want to have sex with me. I haven't put on weight or anything - I'm a lot smaller than I was about a year ago. He keeps saying he has put on weight, and I guess he has slightly but he's never been small and it doesn't bother me, I still find him perfect for me.

Another thing that has worried me is the fact that I have been on his history on his computer and he goes on this one girls photos a lot! She does modelling (who doesn't on facebook...ha) and there are photos of her with her bra and knickers on, and her cleavage out, and she's very skinny, blonde and big boobed. Something I'm not! I even saw one day that he went on her profile, then went on porn, then back to her profile. It is always when I'm out of the house for a reason.

I know I shouldn't be snooping but I was just scared that he was getting his pleasure somewhere else, because he's certainly not getting it from me (not that I don't want to!). Him going on porn sometimes doesn't bother me, but it does when we aren't even having sex and he's mixing it with real people that he used to go to school with!

What am I meant to do? Does he just not love me anymore? He says he does and he's so sweet and does nice things for me, and he's made this big commitment of moving in with me and my parents and says he wants us to get a flat, but I am just worried and just don't know anymore.

Add a Comment3 Comments

Hey Anon,
No, the best way will not to disclose the snooping around (plus hey we also as women have the right to our own space, right?). Talk to him and tell him how you exactly feel when he comes home but if I were you, I would make the environment nice and pleasant so that your conversation goes well. I think I have shared my best conversations with whom I have dated either over a glass of wine sitting outside or with a cup of tea in the deck outside away from the hustle and bustle of home. It makes you think clearly. I would even suggest talk it out by going out for a walk where its just both you and him. You should help him feel better. Of course, I knew his feelings hadn't changed. The fact that he moved in with you says a lot about how he feels towards you.
You did the right thing by texting him. It was a much needed first step! Best of luck and do keep us updated!
All the best!

September 14, 2011 - 8:05am

Hi anon,
I understand the difficulty of your situation and thought about it some more before I had answered your question. You know the best way to deal in such a situation is to be honest to your boy friend. Talk to him and tell him that his actions are bothering you. If you communicate how you feel towards him, you will know the truth. His behavior could be due to several reasons (including taking the first step to a commitment that he has made or even feeling overwhelmed with the situation and maybe even rethinking how he feels towards you) Thus the possibilities are endless. Its best to communicate with him that you are feeling hurt. Since he is living with you means that he definitely has strong feelings towards you, otherwise he probably would not have made the decision. However, this is only one of the possibilities I can think of. It is hard to tell without knowing him personally but if I were in your situation, I would talk to him and confront him regarding the feelings that you are having and the fears that are developing so that you and him are on the same page.
I hope this helps!

September 14, 2011 - 7:03am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to anonymos1486)

Thanks for your answer. I know the best thing to do is talk to him. I bought it up over text (it's my day off today and he is at work, and I had been doing a lot of thinking in the house on my own so thought I neeeded to say something, even though text is probably not the best option) and he said that he's sorry we haven't been intimate but he's feel bad about his own body at the moment. I guess at least it's not his feelings towards me that have changed, so he says. We will speak when he gets in tonight I guess. Thank you for your answer, you're right it's best to talk about it. (Maybe won't mention the snooping though! He won't be best pleased with that haha)

September 14, 2011 - 7:37am
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