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My boyfriend saved pictures of a girl he had sex with 2 years ago

By Anonymous April 26, 2011 - 10:18am
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Hi !I ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and i recently found 3 pictures of a girl he had a one night stand with 2 years ago and with whom he s still friends of facebook. The pictures were among other naked women pictures that i absolutely dont care about, it s more those three pictures of this girl, taken from her facebook that makes me sad...She s not even naked its just normal shots of her, you only see a little bit of cleavage. What is weird is that he always say that shes an imbecile and does not know why he had a one night stand with her some years ago but still he saved three pictures of her on his pc, pictures she posted some weeks ago. I dont get it.

I want to insist on the fact that the folder was under another big folder that has nothing to do with it and this is how i ended up seeing the pictures.

Thank you for your help ! i dont know if i should keep it to myself or tell him i saw them.

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Men will do or say anything..just to keep a woman on the hook! Take it from ME..I have seen it all..heard it all..but the biggest indicator is your Gut Instinct..if it feels funny or off...do not try to play tricks with it..and make excuses..and think its something it isn't...cause its all b.s...your gut instinct will NEVER EVER betray you..I do energy readings and work..with a 100 percent RATE..I now understand why they say...Ignornace is Bliss!!

May 6, 2013 - 3:33pm

Honesty is usually the best policy in relationships. You are bothered by this (most of us would, especially since the pictures were added recently), and you can absolutely feel that you can share your feelings and talk about this topic openly.

What is important is to know you are sharing your feelings with him. You are not accusing, blaming, laying-on-the-guilt, suggesting he is ruining your relationship or your self-esteem (and all the other emotional "tricks" that are so often used in relationships).

You had permission to use your boyfriends computer (I assume), and you innocently found pictures on his computer. These pictures caused you to have mixed emotions...and you can simply say these words, and reassure him that you are not accusing him of anything...you really wanted to let him know you were shocked or confused [insert your emotion] why there are recent pictures of an ex-fling on his computer. You can let him know that you feel secure in your relationship with him, but honestly, this made you feel a little insecure, and you would like to hear from him about his thoughts.

Let him share his thoughts or feelings with you. If he turns around and blames you, becomes angry or attacking...you can let him know you are not attacking him, and wanted to have an honest conversation about what you each think is OK in regards to the opposite gender.

Does he feel it is OK for you to have ex-boyfriend pictures on your computer? What about naked pictures of random men? What is OK for him, in regards to the role the opposite gender plays in your life while you are dating him?

These are important conversations to have, as we all live in a world where there are attractive men and women, and we want to feel that our boyfriend/girlfriend finds us the MOST attractive. Building trust can improve your relationship through difficult conversations, while you define relationship boundaries.

You can not tell him not to look at women, just as you can not tell him to not have pictures of women on his own computer. You can tell him it bothers you, and be specific that it is the RECENT picture of a girl he had sex with that bothers you. Why does it bother you, exactly? Do you fear that he wants to have sex with her again? That he is keeping up with her on facebook? If you can share your specific concerns and fears with him, I hope he can communicate openly with you in a way that is reassuring and/or explanatory in regards to the timing of the pictures, and his future intentions.

In any relationship...the "meaning" behind his actions will only be tested with time, and hopefully with honest communication. Please build up the trust, so that if he ever does need to have an honest conversation with you that is difficult, he will be able to talk with you (and not hide anything from you, if this is your fear).

April 26, 2011 - 11:00am
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