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My boyfriend won't have sex with me

By Anonymous April 3, 2017 - 8:24am
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We have been together almost a year, moved in together quite quickly as we had known each other a long time beforehand. At first he couldn't keep his hands off me and it felt as though he couldn't get enough, I had bruises from where he grabbed at me so hard when we were having sex.

Now we don't have sex. At all.

The last time was over a month ago which I initiated one morning by playing with him and basically putting him inside me.

I've tried to play with him to get him in the mood but that always just turns into a handjob or blowjob for him so I've stopped doing that.

I've tried setting the mood, lighting candles, cooking him a meal, giving him a massage even buying latex which I know he likes. Nothing seems to work.

He has never told me he loves me, he is very closed off emotionally and in a high stress job. He does things that make me think he loves me, he can be very thoughtful and caring but he is also selfish in terms of our downtime (I prefer either silence or no music whereas he likes his music loud and I feel like we just can't talk when it's like that)

Just yesterday he rang me to tell me we were going to have sex all night, it made me so happy and I spent a couple of hours making myself look nice and smell great and I cleaned up and everything was right. We drank a bottle of wine and when I tried being playful with him he just wanted to watch TV. I can't understand why he would say we'd have sex to not want to in the end.

Today I made jokes about wanting to do him he asked what I wanted to do with the day and I'd reply "you" and he'd accept it and we just didn't do anything.

I honestly feel like leaving, i have never had to try this hard to get a partner to sleep with me (not in a vain way, it just is something that shouldn't be this hard) and I just feel like it won't get better.

Add a Comment2 Comments

theres a possibility that theres a other women and that he feels zoo guilty to have sex with you or hes just really tired from work and you should give him some time. the best thing you can do is talk to him yourself about it.

April 14, 2017 - 2:13pm

Hello Anonymous,

Welcome to EmpowHER. Thank you for reaching out to our community for advice.

I am sure members will reach out to you.

Always start with communication. Seems your boyfriend is not open to expressing his feelings. But, try to start the conversation. Ask him why he has lost interest. Tell him how you feel. If you get no where, there is always counseling, if he is open to that.


April 3, 2017 - 8:42am
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