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I am 37 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for over five years now and are very much in love. We are on the same page about marriage and babies and are figuring things out together. I have never been so happy with a man or been with one who, though younger than me, is so at ease with himself and mature for any age. And he is super crazy about me.
The problem? It's me! I look young for my age and am what most poeple would call very pretty. I am super fit and active and bubbly and youthful. The issue? Well, recently an aquaintance of mine asked me if my boyfriend and I were "different ages". I just knew that she meant that she felt he was younger than me. I know that I shouldn't care and that in five years, this is the only time that this has happened but it upset me a lot. I see us as similiar. We are. If someone sees us together they usually say "hot couple" or "you would make beautiful babies". My guy is handsoem as I am pretty.
Any advice? I need to let go of these negative feelings as i don't want to soil our realtionship with my insecurities.
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you're 37?! sorry, but that is just really disguisting. Seriously. Your guy should be with someone who's 28 or something, and you should be with someone who's 50 or at least 45. You should feel ashamed! A 30 year old man should be with a young pretty girl, and not with someone who's almost 40! Just think about it, it really is disguisting, in my opinion. I'm pretty sure you guys aren't a hot couple at all. And just the thought of you and him having babies , makes me feel like vomiting. Shame on you!!...i don't understand why he is "crazy" over you...not at all!
December 28, 2011 - 2:03pmThis Comment
To anonymous,
February 1, 2015 - 3:07pmYou sound like one of those jealous nasty judgemental types who has no talent or heart. It's people like you who destroy people's lives and think all the hot guys should be with you. Shame on you for having such nasty thoughts and bitterness and putting your miserable unhappy thoughts onto others. Your probably like one of those people who think they're better than everyone else. You're clearly immature and ugly on the inside.
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You need to go see a doctor for your vomiting, Lol!
June 3, 2014 - 1:07pmThis Comment
She's not 20 years older than him. But regardless of what we choose to think, whatever voice we hear or ignore, we can't say that every day, its not a challenge. When its good, it's the best feeling in the world but when its bad, its easy for us to blame our problems on the age difference. I am starting to reconsider about my relationship with my bf who is 9 years younger. The other day, he told me that secretly, he noticed that I am begining to have wrinkles around my eyes, and he feels like a dick for mentioning it, but it reminds him of our age difference. This is coming from a guy that used to make me feel like the most beautiful woman. Now, all I have left is a lack of self esteem. Relationships are hard as it is, and throw in another challenge like age difference, we are naive to think that if we love eachother, its all that counts. Remember, love and attraction goes hand it hand. What happens when he is no longer attracted to you down the road? I'm not saying that its impossible for it to have a fairytale ending, nor am I trying to discourage anyone. All I'm saying is, sometimes, its nice to have a relationship that you feel totally secure, and not have voices inside your head every SINGLE day.
November 4, 2011 - 9:16amThis Comment
Im going through the same thing in this present time. Its like you wrote this from my head. I am 25 and my boyfriend is 19. Im looking like I should be a shamed of myself because I feel like I know better but he like older women and plus he treates me better than any other man ive been with. he is my first youngen, i like to call him. We vibe so good together. he's mature. He got a job, own house, and he's has money. He takes care of himself. People say that we look good together and that we also will make beautiful babies. He ask me how many kids I want to have and about marriage. Hes eveything I want except the age part. I woundnt mind if he was at least 2 or 3 years younger but 6. I try my best to get over that hump. I ask people how old I look. they say I look 20 to 21. Thats how I got over the hump and plus I got a baby face with a dimple on my left cheeck. Oh and the bonus, he's taller than me. He says im a shorty for my age.
October 31, 2011 - 2:00amOh and I thought about demi moore even though I dont care about the lady, but how in the heck she do it. she's like 20+ his age and im freaking out over 6 lol.
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girls u guys are very lucky .. my boyfri is 44 and i am 21 .. well think of it .. we have been together for like 6 years .. i always had negative comments for this relationship.. me being younger i can tell u one thing love doesn't need age ...i love him the way he is .. i never had a thought to find a young boyfri ... as long as he loves u .. everything must be fine .. dun ever pay attention to any other say ... if he is fine with it tht means he reli loves u ... there must be a very beautiful thing tht he have seen in u which he can't get with his age girl fri .. so be positive .. enjoy the present which u have with u ... true love never walks away ..
August 28, 2011 - 2:14pmThis Comment
What the fuck is a "boyfri?" Sorry but after reading the conversation, it seems like you are sort of flaunting the fact that you have an older "boyfri" for these ladies who are feeling a little insecure about being with younger men. Who we may fear (in our little secret place that will always wonder and worry,) that our dear boyfriends will someday look for a much younger girl.
This post just reminded me of someone saying, (using your best valley girl voice,) "like, oh my god. You are like, so lucky, you aren't as pretty as I am. No one EVER takes me SRS. I know I'm like so cute and all, and have a RLY good body, but like, you're so lucky you're kinda fat and have some zits...you're probly rly good at math "
Oh well, you probably meant no harm, and that's probably just me and my insecurity being an ass, but maybe I speak for more than just me in what I heard there.
Ladies, this society we live in makes us feel less worthy and attractive as we get older. In the past I had always viewed myself as the "mature" (and cute!) young chick, who always dated older men. I NEVER thought I would even find a younger man attractive, let alone actually be in a relationship with one. Until the last few years. One thing I always wanted more than anything, though, was REAL love, acceptance, someone I could be myself around, mutual respect...basically the fairy tale love and the whole package. And no more bullshit...love me as I am, or get the fuck out of my life so I can find someone who does! Somehow, I found it with a younger man, only five years younger, he's 25 to my 30, but hell, I'd love him no matter what age he was (er...over 18 and legal, that is!)
I have put a lot of thought into this one, and realize that this is very much what I have always wanted. Now, some late nights when I've been up too long and start thinking too hard, that little voice in the back of my head gets the best of me and I begin to worry and google things like "May-December" romances (lol, what a term) but in my heart, I know we're on the same level. And that level doesn't put me lower than any ladies that are dating more "mature" men. It DOES NOT mean that I have to take care of him and be his "teacher" or his elder, (or anything like a MILF or a cougar!) or that he cannot protect me still (when I need to feel protected, even though I am strong enough on my own!) It just means that I was finally able to put society's (or friend's or family's or WHOEVER'S) expectations aside and finally be happy and be with someone who "get's" me and really loves me for ME, no matter how old I am.
And, of course, this does go to the younger ladies with older men as well... I just felt that the theme HERE was that nagging little anxiety us "older than our boyfriends" girls sometimes feel. At least those of us who don't see ourselves as "cougars" and all that (not that there's anything WRONG with that! ;) ). Love and light to you all....even the last poster. I hope you all find true happiness with someone, as well as within yourselves. :)
October 14, 2011 - 10:15pmThis Comment
My boyfriend is 22 and i'm 32. We both work in the hospitality industry where age tends to fall by the wayside. I had a very colourful 20's which he knows about and he is incredibly mature for his age. Our friends don't even mention our age, we have a few in-jokes - grey hair training wheels etc but it's all good fun. He thinks i'm the best thing that's happened to him. Being older you're past all the shit and can pick people pretty easily, which SOME younger guys will see. We've had the marriage/baby conversation and decided we'll have it again in 6 months, so really it's a season at a time in that respect. He loves me, I love him, as far as i'm concerned that's all that we care about.
January 26, 2011 - 4:45amThis Comment
Anon - It might help to think about relativity. There is a huge difference between someone who's five years old and someone who's 10. There is far less of a difference in people in their 20's. And as we get older there are even less differences. Many happy couples have 10, 15, 20 and even 30+ year age differences.
Age is relative to how we feel about it. Your boyfriend has said he does not have an issue and you've indicated that this is really your problem and concern. If you are seriously worried about this then it would be advisable to seek professional help from a trained counselor who can help you understand your fears and make your own choice on whether you are going to learn to live with this difference or continue to make it your own personal issue.
It might also help to focus on learning ways to build a good relationship without focusing so much on age. There have to be good reasons why the two of you have been together for the past eight months, and surely there are aspects of your relationship that you can grow and develop to strengthen what you have. Focusing solely on what's wrong isn't the way to build a stronger relationship.
We have a lot of information that can help you in our Sex & Relationships section: https://www.empowher.com/relationships-family/sex-relationships
September 2, 2010 - 5:42pmGood luck to you! Pat
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Im in a similiar situation (im 27 and he is 22) :(( my boyfriend is 5 yrs younger then me and it makes me incredibly sad at the fact that when i think of when im in my 30's he is still gona be in his mid 20's.. Ive been with him for about 8 months now i like him alot but i feel like he will leave me one day for a younger woman im very paranoid, although i wish i wasnt..
September 2, 2010 - 5:03pmHe tells me not to worry its not a big deal to him as he prefers older mature woman and if he wanted younger and imature he knoiws where to find them.. but it doesnt make things better at all in my case, i still feel the same, i dont want the way i feel to ruin our relationship.. HELP!! thnx
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