My daughet is 18 and she is demontrating strong passive aggresive behavior. Please advise what to do, I have told er about her behavior and have asked her toread more about it, she can stay silent for hours or days and not respond. Tamara

Tamara,

Welcome to EmpowHER, and thank you so much for writing. Let's see if we can help.

Has this behavior just started? Or has she always been this way, but it's gotten worse?

Can you tell us a little bit more about your daughter's life?
Is she in school, and if so, does she do well in school?
Does she have friends, and if so, do you like her friends?
What are her moods like? Is she more likely to be sad when she's alone, or mad?
Is she on any medications?
Does she have any medical conditions?

When she is passive-aggressive, she is expressing her emotions -- her feelings of anger or hostility -- in a way that works for her in some way. It is a coping strategy for her, even though she may not be aware of that.

I thought this was a good page exploring passive-aggressive behavior:

http://www.my-counseling-site.com/passive_aggressive.html

Not all people who use passive-aggressive actions have passive-aggressive behavior disorder, but there IS an actual disorder that could be present here. Here is a list of the symptoms:

* putting things off
* "forgetting" to do things others ask
* being stubborn
* disliking people who are in charge, or having a bad attitude about them
* complaining frequently
* working poorly or slowly on purpose
* feeling unappreciated
* blaming problems on others
* being irritable
* disliking the ideas of other people, even if they are useful
* arguing frequently

Are all these a part of your daughter's behavior? And have they been present for a long time?

This page also mentions treatment:
http://www.depression-guide.com/passive-aggressive-negativistic-personality.htm

Do you think your daughter would go to talk therapy, either with you or by herself? It might be a real help to her. It might give her more of a voice and it might give you some good tools to help in breaking the cycle of arguing and silence.

Does this help at all?