WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND'S DIRTY SECRET

I feel for you CHitown4 life. I found gay porn on my boyfriend's computer a little over a year ago and he denied it at first but then he admitted to it. I told him I also saw he was on craigslist and he admitted that he emailed a guy then deleted the reply email from the guy because it "freaked him out." He said he did it because he was high and when he was alone for a long time before he met me, he was lonely and things weren't working out with women so he thought he might be gay. He felt very guilty, anxious and upset afterwards. He was crying, etc. He said he would do counseling, anything to make it work. He quit smoking pot too. We went to a handful of sessions and then he started complaining about the wait and what the therapist was saying. We stayed together and I tried to be there for him and forget it but it still bothers me today. Now I don't know what is happening between us and he doesn't seem like he wants to own up to it or he doesn't really seem remorseful. I am going to start taking better care of myself over our relationship and start seeing a therapist to heal the pain. So I feel for any of you ladies going through the same thing but we should remember to not feel guilty or take it personally even though that is easier said then done.

My boyfriend I recently went threw his emails and all kinds of responses from craiglist men women trannys couples.. a couple pics as well we have a 8 year old and I'm pregnant now I don't know what to do. .. everything was going good we were planning to get a house and get married... he started crying and saying how he's so sorry and he has a problem. ... he loves me with all his heaet how he would do anything for me. ... I'm really disturbed by all this... the pics he says are old but we were still together I'm so hurt.. he's now admitted all kinds of things to me I'm really lost

Hello lady,
I ran into a very similar situation. In my opinion, if he actually went through with emailing it shows that it is obviously something that he was thinking about for sometime before taking action. He might very well be gay and have a serious fear of coming out of the closet so he's with you but cannot control these gay urges. I'd said leave him and find another man. He was going to cheat--which is horrible. You don't want to find out one day you have some STD that you're stuck with for life because your boyfriend is hooking up with men.

Hi Chitown,
The reality is....if you do not trust him, you never will. There is no simple answer to this. Perhaps talking to him will help....ask him to lay it out to you everything he has to offer and then give you the option to either move on or accept his lifestyle. It is, your choice....

Use your options and keep us updated.
Missie

Thanks for your input. Finding that just made me more paranoid than before because he still contacts his exs "just to say hi" even though every time he does that they end up trying to get him to come see them. We argue about their intentions and his intentions, and he says hes just trying to keep in contact with old friends. Now I feel like I have to worry about him with men and women!

Hi Chitown4life,
I have to agree with the above posters....he may have been curious but doesn't seem as if he pursued it. The best part of it is, there usually are signs of "something does not feel right"....pay closer attention right now.

Otherwise, this was a year ago so this would be the same thing as bringing something you did a year ago and it is ancient history to you as well. Perhaps, paying more attention to see if you think there is a possibility of cheating going on...but if not, I would let it go as he mentioned that he was curious and never followed through...maybe he was bored one night..you never know.

Good luck,
Missie

I know just how you feel. My now husband has a past of being a man slut. After we where together I found alot of photos with him with other ladies(Well not ladies) and they where really bad. I was so angry at him for keeping them but they where all before me. The one thing I did find was some nude photos of him that where dated when we where together(my stuff was in the background of the photo).I wanted to know who he took them for and he kept saying he just did it and didnt know why and he never pursued anything with them(men can be really dumb). To make a long story short, its been a year and a half later and he's a great husband and I truly believe he is true to me. I think the truth is men are strange and they think about all kinds of sex(mine did). This is up to you but I would just give the relationship time and see how things go. Remember that men can be dogs but if he really loves you he will calm down and be good. I dont think he is gay

Hi Chitown4life,
Thank you for your question and for joining EmpowHER. We cannot tell you what to do, I personally can only speak from experience, and say, "trust your gut." If you have real concerns about this man and his sexual perversions (and you're not on board with whatever it is he's into) then you may want to think about moving on from this relationship. I know it won't be easy, but regardless of how it came about, things happen for a reason if you ask me and I have a feeling that if this came up, it is likely to come up again sometime in the future. The choice is yours. I don't claim to be a relationship expert by any stretch, I'm just a fellow woman giving my own opinion.
Good luck, and let us know if you need more support.
Here is an ASK that may provide some insight: EmpowHER ASK: Is my husband gay?