Who is the man I am living with?

By Helplessinboston July 22, 2015 - 7:40am

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I have been in my relationship for over 5 years. We have a 2 year old daughter and a 5 month old son. We always had a very healthy sex life. About 4 years ago he joined the Army and when we returned from boot camp, his aggressiveness and curiosity in bed increased. He began wanting to bring in sex toys and always wanted to have anal sex, which to this day I have no desire for. Over the last two years there has been things that have caused me concern in his sexuality. I have caught him a number of time masturbating to a wide variety of pornography. On one occasion I found two apps for gay dating sites on his phone that had been deleted but there was still record of it being downloaded. At another point, his phone was blowing up and I grabbed it off the counter while he was upstairs with my step daughter (he has 2 girls from previous marriage) and it was a free text app that had numerous conversations with other men texting him about hooking up. When I approached (mind you I was furious) he grabbed the phone, deleted it in front of me and said 'what are you talking about, there is nothing there' and has denied it to this day. More recently (9 months ago) a package arrived to my home addressed to him and it was a giant glass anal plug. I cried for hours before confronting him. He stated he didn't order it and brought it to post office to send back. He recently has been out of work due to injury so last week when the kids and I got home from work and day care, I found a huge anal sex you in my daughter bathroom on the tub. I flipped out and we got into a huge argument. He states that he used it to masturbate and wanted to get things for us to play with. I am at a loss. I have gotten to a point where I don't believe anything he says, I can't bare to have sex with him and it upsets him. He is very horny and wants sex at least once a day. I feel like I know what the truth is and know what I should do, but am I being to insecure or jumping to conclusions? Mind you...his ex wife accused him of being gay early on in our marriage so I don't know if that has always been in my mind and then every little thing causes me to be cautious.

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Maryann Gromisch RN Guide

Hello Helplessinboston,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community. We offer you support and a safe place to vent your feelings.

Follow your heart. It is evident that your partner lies. His ex-wife accusation that he is gay confirms what you have witnessed.

Think of yourself and your two children. Get out of this relationship. It is only causing you pain and will have a serious negative effect on your children, who are witnessing your pain and anger.

We are here to help.
Maryann

July 22, 2015 - 8:43am