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Why am I unable to achieve an orgasm with my partner?

By Anonymous March 22, 2009 - 3:10pm
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I am very new to a sexual relationship with a partner. I am 33 an have only been with him for a few months now and just recently begun having intercourse. I am inexperienced and we have only had sex a few times(6 times so far). Foreplay is great and seems to be most pleasurable so far. I am trying not to over analyze everything. I very concerned I am frigid, and unable to experience an orgasm with him. I have achieved a few on my own. Like one of your previous posters find water and the "happy shower hose" very pleasurable. What can I try besides the obvious things that have already been suggested like taking time and becoming mentally ready and open to the experience. My partner is not worried, he seems to think it will happen when its time for it to happen and I am aware I cannot force this type of things but I am very frustrated. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Susan gave you wonderful advice, and I'd like to add a few more thoughts: some, if not most, women are not able to have an orgasm with intercourse alone. There is nothing frigid or wrong about that...it's just our anatomy! As Susan suggested, practice, practice, practice (alone and with your boyfriend) and experiment with different sensations and positions. The practice is not meant to suggest that you are bad at this and need to improve; the practice is to learn from your body and "hear" its cues on what will result in the big "O".

Also, as you learn more and more what creates that highest amount of physical arousal for you...you can re-create this with your boyfriend...then stop right before you may reach orgasm. It sounds difficult to do, but the "teasing" aspect can really produce some great climaxes (orgasm) and higher sense of arousal.

There are many books out there on this subject; another indicator that many, many women are after this ever-elusive orgasm. Don't call yourself any more names or label yourself anymore...enjoy what you have, enjoy every step of the arousal process, and practice intimacy in every way possible with your boyfriend.

Let us know if you would like some book recommendations; there have been many suggested in other areas of the Q&A sections regarding sexual well-being and orgasms.

March 22, 2009 - 4:51pm
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