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why do i like kissing more than sex?

By Anonymous June 29, 2009 - 9:27pm
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I have been with my boyfriend and sex was great at frist, but now I know he has never been into kissing and now I am having trouble getting in the mood for sex. I have always enjoyed kissing and I was with the same guy for 10 years and he enjoyed kissing. And now I with this other guy and he doesnt enjoy kissing, I have ask him if it is me and he said no he never been into it! I realy like him and want to get past this!

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Anon, thank you so much for your question!

I have to agree with everything Rosa said but also add this: If kissing is important to you and it isn't important to him, that might be a conflict that stays with you as long as you are together. Even if you do find ways to communicate well and to tell each other what you like and need, I think that the need for kissing (and, for some, cuddling) is truly important to some women.

Of my friends, two of them feel like you do -- in a big way. I'm not sure they would be able to find a happy medium in this area. Some women find that they just don't want to stay in a relationship without passionate kissing. Since you were in a relationship with someone for 10 years and you hadn't gotten tired of kissing yet, somehow I don't think the desire is going to go away for you.

What am I saying? To work on this, to enjoy lovemaking, to talk a lot with your partner, and to get him to commit to working on the kissing. And if it's not going to happen, to consider whether the relationship can work for you without it. Some people would think it's a small thing, but since you are losing your entire motivation for sex, I don't think it is.

And just for fun, you might like reading this. It's a Scientific American story on Why We Kiss. Fascinating!


June 30, 2009 - 9:11am

Kissing is like a natural high for many women. We see kissing as an emotional connection and MANY times enjoy it more than sex. However, you may want to consider being sympathetic to your boyfriend. Remember that some men just want sex and can forget about the kissing and the foreplay, just as you just want the kissing and can forget about the sex. It's important that you two communicate with each other so that you can find a happy-medium to your issue.

Building a strong connection to your partner will enable you to WANT the sex just as badly as you crave his kisses. Sex can build a bridge to a potentially strong emotional connection (and when you have this passion during sex, you can get away with sneaking some of the best kisses of your life).

Many couples find that role-play and other creative ideas in bed keep their relationship and love life alive.

Best of luck to you!

June 30, 2009 - 5:42am
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