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Why doesnt he want me any more?

By April 25, 2010 - 2:41pm
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I know this is probably posted on here alot but i need some advice...
I have been with my guy for over 2 years and we are getting married in Oct. but our sex life has become practically non-exsistant. It is always me wanting, initiating, and even having to beg. He always has some reason ( tired, sore, full, or just doesnt want to) that he doesnt want to. Or he will say later and have no intention of it. I have tried talking to him about it and told him how in affects me and makes me feel and every time its the same thing " im sorry its not you i just have no drive ill try..."

I dont want to pressure him and I wouldnt leave him over this but are there things I could try? I also recently found out I have epilepsy and I wonder if that could be part of it...does he find me weird now?
I am a naturally confident person but the one person in my life that I want to want me , that SHOULD want me paying NO attention to me at all is starting to take a toll on that confidence. I always mull thoughts that its because im not attractive, and i look in the mirror and tear myself apart. I know that is wrong but I havent been able to talk to anyone about this, not even my closest friends because im afraid or even embarrased.
Its not even that I just want sex all the time i just want attention that he wont give. for example we dont ever kiss more than a peck. I guess he just doesnt make me feel wanted and im at my witts end and dont know what to do..HELP!

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EmpowHER Guest


July 4, 2010 - 4:35pm

Hi Anonymous,
I can't speak for every guy. But a lot of men like myself truly do enjoy it. Just as long as the hygeine is ok, its a enjoyable thing for us. Even more enjoyable when you care about the person and want them to feel good. But to answer your question...yes we like it!

July 2, 2010 - 4:59pm
EmpowHER Guest

GregC, Can I ask you something? sorry it has nothing to do with the other subject, but I really would love to have a blunt and honnest answer to my question from a man. Here it is; Do men really enjoy performing oral sex on a woman? Or do they just do it to turn us on, but really think it's disgusting? LOL

July 2, 2010 - 4:20pm

P.s. I dont think your epilepsy should have anything to do with it. Thats selfish on his part if he loves you.

June 4, 2010 - 4:42am

Hi Missy,
I post articles here from time to time and just came across your post. Thought maybe you'd also like a guys perspective on this.
Now this is just my opinion, doesnt mean its what you should totally follow but you asked and I will keep it real.
If this is the man that you will marry, he needs to make you feel wanted even though sex isnt everything. To me, if a guy never wants sex, he is either very unhealthy and needs to get himself checked out or change his lifestyle or he is getting sex somewhere else.
Does your fiance exercise and eat healthy? He could have low testoserone levels and may need to see a doctor. If he is fine physically, well then you are not married yet and should put that date on hold till your sure cause it doesnt get beter. Everyone needs intamicy in their relationship even though its not everything.
Sorry for being blunt and hope I helped.

June 4, 2010 - 4:41am

Hi Missy,

Aside from recently being diagnosed with Epilepsy, has anything in your lives changed? Has your sex life been affected directly after you were diagnosed? If so, he may not understand the nature of your illness. You are no weirdo, but if he has seen you have a seizure it may be scary for him and he may not understand if and when you do get the epileptic attacks. This can very well be the reason why he doesn't want to have sex-- he may be afraid of causing an attack. If you can find a seminar on Seizures and Epilepsy that he'd be willing to go to...take him. If not, have a seat with him and bluntly ask him if that is what's keeping him from initiating or wanting sex with you and if so, school him on what it is and what causes it.

I can understand how this is rough on you, since you will be marrying this man. But the more he knows and understands what you are going through, the likelier you are to have a better relationship. If your Epilepsy is not the reason, then has he been working harder in preparation for the wedding? Could it be stress? Or something that he may need to go to the doctor to get evaluated about? Lots of factors affect a person's sex drive-- whether it is a man or a woman.

Unfortunately, I can only give you theories and ideas of what you can do-- and the best thing is to simply ask. If you have tried to be sexy and entice him by switching up the sex routine, then just ask him-- he is the only one that truly knows why he doesn't want to have sex.

Wishing you the best of luck!

April 25, 2010 - 4:58pm
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