Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex anymore?

By Anonymous June 28, 2011 - 4:58pm

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I'll try to make this short. Basically, last summer we dated for two months and we had sex only once, a week into the relationship. He broke up with me, but then we got back together four months later, and we have now been dating for over six months. We seem to be in a really great relationship: we are each other's best friends, have good sex, have a ton in common, etc. In the first three or so months of our relationship, we had sex ALL the time. A few times we even had sex up to five times a day. Around the four and five month mark, we still had great sex, but less often, but it was no big deal because we still did a pretty good amount of time. But in the past month, it seems like he never wants to have sex. The last time he rejected me he told me that I need to try harder because just "getting on top of me and kissing me isn't enough". He did not say it in a rude way, though. Is that normal? What else should I even do? I honestly don't know what to do to get him turned on enough to want to have sex with me. I assumed anyone would be turned on by getting laid on top of and kissed? I am just so confused and really hurt. By the way, I am 19 and he is 20. He also has told me that it seems like I hold back a lot and that he notices, which is probably true, but I think that is because I am so afraid of rejection again. I just feel like, he is the guy, he should want to have sex with me. Maybe this is the wrong type of thinking? I have considered that he may be cheating on me, but I really don't think he is the type of guy to do that, so I dismissed that idea. I just feel like I am so horny all the time, and it makes me feel weird because he doesn't seem to be, and he is a guy. Also, sex with him isn't just for pleasure, but it just makes me feel really emotionally close to him, and that's a big reason why this is making this all so hard to deal with. What should I do?

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Maryann Gromisch RN Guide

Hi,
I can hear the hurt and confusion in your message. You are both quite young and are still discovering things about yourself and life experiences. Sometimes, women place a more emotional attachment to sex than men do. I am sure there will be readers who will blast me on that comment. Together, you can experiment to find what arouses him so that your experience is satisfying. Start by asking him what arouses him. If you are agreeable, give it a try.

June 28, 2011 - 5:30pm