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Why doesn't my boyfriend want me?

By August 25, 2011 - 5:59pm
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Hellooo All, I'm new to this, and i hope all your wonderful people are supportive. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, after being together for 3 months we started living together. I love it. And i have strong feelings for him. But we never have sex. I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is about to turn 31 in Oct. I always want to have sex, but he never starts it, if i start it we will have sex, but i get so fed up with starting it that after awhile i actually get nervous about starting it and i will stop my self from trying. he doesnt exercise, and he says its not me that he has always been like this. and told me all his previous relationships always ended on the sex note. but ill will say things like lets have sex tonight.. and hes all up for it. but when night time comes around nothing. i figured hes just tired or something but he stays up late. im really at the end of my road. i want to have sex so much more. and im not going to leave him, but think bad of me if you want to but i have gave it a thought or to. Thanks any advice will help

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August 1, 2015 - 5:51pm
EmpowHER Guest

guitargirl sorry its been so long since ive posted. I wish i could say it was because ive been "busy". but that would be a big fat lie. Nope nothing is changing in the bedroom arena..well yea there is one thing...now he just falls asleep in his chair and dont even bother coming to bed with me. alot.
the crazy thing is ..is yes he does crazy sweet things for me all the time. Sex aside...HES THE PERFECT MAN. Thats what is so freaking wierd here. And the porn thing...his ipod has so many videos and nasty pics ...its unreal...687 images and 681 of the are naked chicks. and the videos..omg...i cant help but to sneak and look to see what hes been doing for the past 2 hours..and everytime i get my feelings crushed. Then i get mad. I have a chip on my shoulder with him almost all the time now. I love him so much but i dont see any light at the end of my tunnel.
Anyone out there been thru this and came out on a goood note?
PLEASE post!

October 15, 2011 - 5:21am

OMG... I just feel like im reading my story...
LOL...i think we are dating a same guy...hahahaha
I still learning, searching a way to exist now... I can't have this any more, trying so hard and get only one very 2weeks. grrrhhh... I want sex so bad...

October 4, 2011 - 10:01pm

I know, All i have seen my man do lately is eat. And that's okay if your hungry eat. but dont be pigging out on unhealthy things that are just going to make you lazy and not feeling in the mood.. after his drink when he came back. why didnt you just continue to finish. next time put a damn bottle of water and just lay on him lmao. lastnight i told him lets play, just trying to be cutesy. so we was kissing and he was playing with me. well "I" was feeling good. so i started dirty talking. i mean to the extreme. where any man would of been like ripping my panties off! i reached down to grab him and there was nothing to grab but a soft freakin d*ck. I was so embarrassed that i even did that. so i was like i want you. im so sick of not getting you i really really want you. so he got on top of me and started doing it. well he kept going soft. he had to jack off then went soft everytime he put it in and get going. so girl, i know as lame as this sounded i started to cry. I was totally embarrassed. and thought he has lost intrest in me. he blamed it on other reasons of course. and layed on me and begged me not to be mad at him. So he started kissing me and then went down on me. yeah thats great and feel freakin amazingggggg.. but its not the same time. all i do is think about sex. ughhhh.. i often thought about playing hard to get and not doing anything with him. but he dont want sex anyways. so it wouldnt matter. but when i do lay off the kissing and the hugging he will ask me why im being so distant. and will pull me on his lap. and love on me. he tells me everything i want to hear. but i want him to actually be into sex. i dont understand what his problem is. and i guess ill never know since we wont go see a doctors. Men take notice in me all the time. i sometimes feel like acting on it. not for nothing else but for a hookup. bad i know and i wouldnt dare do that. but i shouldnt be thinking like this if i was truely happy in the way he and i live our lives. he is affected in other ways just without the sex.. Yall been together for a year right? and the best sex was within the first month you two was together. now that is sad girl WOW. When me and him do have sex like actually sex sex and both really want to. we have great sex. amazing sex. I never want to tell anyone about this because i dont want noone to know how lame my sex life is. more like non exisited. Does your man do other things for you? does he kiss you and hug you and tell you your beautiful and snuggle with you. or just stare at you just cuz. or make you dinner or draw you a bubble bath anything romantic?

September 3, 2011 - 2:54pm

Man, are you sure we are not dating the same man????? Yes i completely get ya on the friend thing, be wide awake having a ball, then when they leave he will say he is tired. Well Girl i grew balls lastnight!! I told him i think he should see a doctor. he was so against that and told me no matter how much he loves me he will not go to a doctor. i asked him why and he said because of the money issues. But i doubt that. he also said what if nothing is wrong. there has to be! this is not normal. So i told him either you go to the doctors or there is no more me and you because i want a sex life and your not providing me with one. Its human nature to want to be close to someone to love them,kiss them, caress them. Its all natural. i have often thought of other guys to. I cant believe you left and didnt tell him and he didnt care. i would see how this would effect you very badly. And girl, dont let yourself fall back into your ex's arms. no matter how good the sex is. There is a reason he is your ex and you said he treated you really bad. dont ever let anyone ever get the chance to hurt you bad again. They had there chance screwed it up. And that's that. I told my bf lastnight i was like member we all we used to do is have sex. anytime of day. whenever. everyday. couple times a day. i said what happened. he said idk what happened. but he said kinda sad about it. like he wants to please me but he told me he dont know how to start it. wtf do you mean you dont know how to start it. im always ready. start kissing me or hell stick your hand in my pants. lmao as bluntly as that may sound. i can get carried away... ohh one more thing. i have oftered to give my boyfriend oral for the past month, he won't even accept that! when is the last time you to got close?

September 2, 2011 - 3:32pm
(reply to guitargirl8)

lol i was gonna ask u that after the "boobies!" comment!! lmao
well last nite i had to inniate it of course ..i started giving him oral, he can rarely turn this down, but then I can tell he would like to finish there and i want sex. so after 15min or so of oral i have to inniate the sex...we do it for like 3 minutes then he claims to be thirsty so he finnaly gets up goes into the kitchen for a few when he gets bak, nothing so i got dressed. Sigh how depressing is that??? just typing all that made me say WOW. Girl we havent had good sex since the first month we were together. And im good in this department.lol(ask mjy ex.lol) but i guess he just dont think so. :0(
or maybe my man is just a horrible lover?
I often wonder if its not the whole hunter thing...like we're too easy in their minds so the whole thrill of the chase has been taken outta the equation? if this is the case..im thinking it would take some major time and patience to flip the switch on the dynamic of our relationship in this area. I want so bad to be able to wait him out.just however long it takes. Act as if. As if i could care less if we ever f*ked again. But after a couple of weeks I'm so steaming mad i cant see straight, ive spent countless hours laying next to him in bed snoring...my heart beating 200mkph cause im livid! I'm hurt, angry,confused,and my egos bruised....Wheres the lesbian chat room!??? LMAO
when i ask my man what happend to us .he gives the exact same response as your man, and also tells me he cant inniate things. Maybe if we get em off the butts and get em exercising? [email protected]!!

September 2, 2011 - 8:16pm

lol I totally understand you 110%. We can have company over and my bf will be wide awake laughing and when they go to leave he'll be sitting in his chair snoring before they even back out of the driveway. Whats really sad also is the toll this takes on my selfesteem. I know its his problem, but i still find myself doubting myself. He constantly tells me im beautiful and sexy, but when he so absent sexually, it goes in one ear and out the other. I never have a problem getting him hard or getting him off when we do have sex. But i do get the feeling he way perfers getting oral sex from me and at times this has also hurt my feelings. Our sexually decline started early on in our relationship. like the second month and weve been together a year now. I have an ex who is in prison and the sex we had was greeaaatt. He's still very much in love with me but has hurt me so bad due to his addiction issues I don't want him back. But i do fear that once he gets out i'lll be tempted to cheat. Just soley for the sex. I hate this. sooooooo frustrating!! One time I got so fed up I just took off , went to a friends all nite w/o even calling. I waltzed in at like 11am, he was sleeping like a baby and NEVER even questioned where id been!!

September 1, 2011 - 10:15pm

eh, i'm not convinced that he has a problem with porn, Just like every man he enjoys the act of sex and to look at a female body. I dont honestly think he has a problem though, but i often wonder if he jacks off instead and i have asked him but he says no. but its really hard to tell. because i work morning and he always closing. No girl!!! me and my bf has gone like a month before with sex, and apparently it doesnt bother him at all, cuz if it did, i believe he would want to have sex. its sad you know the date of when you guys last slept together. it was aug 5th, and once again i started it then. I often thought about the gay thing. I really have thought that alot!!! because when we are having sex and he is on top or something i see his hand go to his backside, just the one and i always think he is playing wth his butt.. as weird as that may sound. and when my bf used to exercise, we used to have sex all the time because it gets the blood flowing and gets things working right, and since we been together he has gained weight but just like you it doesnt bother me. i could honestly care less. but today he took me to work, and was like honey i really love being inimate with you, i was like you have a hard way of showing it. so it might be cause they dont like the way they look. but im still at loss, for the past week my bf keeps saying we are going to have sex tonight and night time rolls around and he will be rubbing on my legs my back my butt kissing me. and then....... he will say do you want me to hold you or you hold me. he completely shuts off the romance and nothing leads anywhere but me getting to pist off to sleep!!! i have no idea what kinda plan we can put together. or by now i would of tried it lol

September 1, 2011 - 2:39pm

when i read what you wrote, it felt like i couldve wrote it almost word for word. My bf is a great bf. He's always where he says, we spend alot of time together, in every other way hes like a dream come true. But when it comes to sex, its horrible. and the ..Boobies! comment..omg that is soooooo my bf too!! i have to innitiate sex and even then it feels like hes just doing it to shut me up and i end up doing all the work! UGH girl we gotta come up with a plan. I want to just act like i could care less. Ive even tried but when 2 weeks goes by, he's just fine and Im reallllly miserable. like i said we gotta get a plan together!

September 1, 2011 - 2:12pm
(reply to Bleuz)

oh yea and btw i was the one who posted it came up as anonoymous cause i hadnt became a member yet. I thought a couple more things too...do you think we are dealing with men with porn addictions possibly? Ive even wondered if maybe its a highly suppressed gay thing...Also i had a heart to heart with my bf the other day and he told me that he doesnt initiate it cause hes gained weight since we got together and hes so unhappy with his appearance. I gain and lose weight too, him having a belly dont bother me in the least...he refuses to believe this tho.

September 1, 2011 - 2:22pm
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