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Why doesn't my husband want me?

By March 24, 2009 - 6:41am
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I am 39 years old and am a newlywed. My husband and I have only been married for a month and a half and he has already lost interest in me sexually. No matter what I do or don't do, I just can't turn him on. I once had a boyfriend who was impotent and he did at least make attempts at having sex. My husband doesn't even try. When we go to bed he goes right to sleep. A few nights ago while we were in bed, I was trying to arouse him and he simply moved my hand and turned over then went to sleep. I could understand if he had always been this way with me but he hasn't.

He makes me feel utterly repulsive.

Is there a medication I can have prescribed for me so that I don't have the urge for sex as well so that I have no problem with his lack of desire for me?

"I'm updating this Blog. If any of you women have had the same problem with your husband please get him to talk to you about what's going on. Maybe he has some health problem that he refuses to get checked out. My husband just passed on March 09. He had a massive heart attack. It was sudden. He had to go for training for the Tactical Squad for the prison where he worked on Sunday. I had no idea when I kissed him, hugged him good-bye and told him I loved him that would be the last time I would see him take a breath."

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EmpowHER Guest

My husband hasn't wanted me since I said I DO !!
That was 46 years ago, I thought I could fix every thing, but that was just foolish of me. We only had sex, intimacy once my first, last and only time. Before we were married it was taboo to have sex or any thing that rsembles sex. We did kiss and hold hands. He just hated sex with me or any one else for that matter. He just clammed up in his own little world, never had any friends once he got out of the military. His whole life was himself and work nothing more. He even lived alone in our basement, that way he would be away from me, I was not to talk to him and to just leave him alone.
My life was filled with disappointment , anger, depression and lonelyness. I just worried about me and really didn't care about him.

March 11, 2014 - 11:06am
EmpowHER Guest

I have had to live with rejection, emotional, physical, spiritual, sexual all kinds of rejection, abuse, lies, his alcoholism, and cruelty of every sort from my husband of one year. I can't take it anymore and he blames my weight for no sex I was this weight when we got together. I'm not doing this anymore. Thus must be a cruel joke from God or a curse from the devil. I'm out as soon as I can get work and daycare.I deserve better and so do you.

February 13, 2014 - 2:31am
EmpowHER Guest

I find myself here again just a few years later. Divorced. In a relationship. Still not getting any. I am tall, slim, fit, young and pretty. These things dont mean anything. This can happen to any of us. I am really bad at picking them though. I sit here wallowing in self pity, and i can't help but wonder if good, long lasting sexual relationships do exist. I'm not feeling very positive right now and sitting here crying in my pjs, listening to my boyfriends phone go off over and over as he texts god knows who is heart breaking. But you know what, I know from experience I don't have to put up with this. I, and every woman (and that one guy) on this website deserve to be happy. We deserve the love we crave, and if or partners aren't delivering it, than it is well within our right to move on and find happiness elsewhere. Life is too short to feel this way. <3

October 26, 2013 - 12:39am
EmpowHER Guest

I also have the same problem. My husband and I have been married for over a year, but we have been together almost six years. At first, when we dated the sex was great. Throughout the years, we were together most of the weekends when we were living in the same state. Eventually he moved and we communicated through phone and email. He deployed and I deployed overseas and we communicated through email for almost a year and a half. Two years ago he proposed in Las Vegas. Since we have not seen each other physically in soo long I would have thought we be making love in the week that we were together. Unfortunately, we only did it once. He proposed that week, which was the happiest day of my life. He said since he forgot to buy condoms that we couldn't have sex. I thought it was a lame excuse, but I didn't mind since I wanted to just spend time with him and explore Las Vegas. Then I moved in with him almost two years ago and married him over a year ago; and during the time I lived with him not once have we had sex. He was worried that I would get pregnant if the condom broke or that birth controll will not be effective. We had fooled around a couple of times when we have live together, but its was only two or three times of the two years and that's it. I try my best to turn him on, but it just seems that he is not interested. At first I thought he was worried that if we had sex I might end up getting pregnant because we are not ready for that step. Recently, I had birth control implanted in my arm. Still nothing. I know that sex is not the only part of the relationship that is important because there are also other factors that make up a relationship that is also important. Though, I feel that we are both young (I'm in my mid 20s and he is in his early 30s) and that we need to have some time to connect sexually before the kids come and we get older. It's just hard for me to communicate with him because he gets the hint when I got the birth control implanted that we need more sex but he doesn't make a move or if I try to make a move he just brushes me off and moves on to do something else. Lately I have been pleasuring myself because I figured if he doesn't want to do it, then maybe I should be taking care of it myself. It's sad (for me) to think that I might need to get a vibrator in the near future just to have those times to have. He recently just said that he doesn't get horny too often and that some men have sex once a month or once every two months. I don't know about that, but we are not even having that at all. I guess I miss being intimate with him physically and feeling more love.

July 8, 2013 - 6:48am
EmpowHER Guest

My husband and I have only been together for a few years; I am in my late twenties, he is in his early thirties. He is a loving and attentive husband, a hard worker, and pulls his weight around the house. However, he is also a recovering drug addict, with only a couple of years sober. Since being drug-free, there has been a dramatic drop in his sex drive; we went from having sex a few times a week, to only having it once every 1-2 months. I do miss the frequency, but I can understand the reason for it. In the beginning, I had a hard time accepting the situation, and I was hurt and self-conscious about his lack of interest. But we have stayed in communication about the situation, and he goes out of his way to make sure that I feel loved and appreciated. After two years of this, I have become comfortable with our personal life, and I know that I wouldn't trade my relationship for all the sex in the world.

June 9, 2013 - 7:00pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm having similar situation with my husband ... we do communicate about the issue. He just isn't turned on by me. It's almost as if I'm his best friend/sister/mother, not sure which... I try to get him aroused and only get left feeling pretty shitty. Recently we had an episode that kinda devastated me emotionally and so I won't try ever again. He is aware and I think relieved. This mornin' he tried to kiss me bye and it upset me. He went in for tongue action and I pulled back and said "don't." I'm not settin' myself up for rejection anymore. It's had an impact on me - I've kinda lost interest in make-up, dressing up and so on. Why bother? He is in his head fantasizing about women that wouldn't let him sniff it down wind. I love him dearly- he is my best friend. We have built a lot together, grown a lot together... we have children. So far neither of us are willing to break that part up. I've suggested having an open marriage and being discreet. That's the strange thing about us - we can lay in bed and talk about how to manage sex lives with others. I can even tell him how to approach a woman for sex as friends... I believe he married me because of our kids and his views on traditional marriages, same for me... He hasn't thus far took me up on offer. Why? Because he is ok with the ideal of him having a happy sex life, he doesn't want me to. He doesn't like the ideal of me having sex with other men. I'm tired. This is my second marriage - and my first marriage was the same. I was his best friend/sister ... whatever too. It's always that way for me ... They like me for sex in the beginning, then they really get to know and love me, then I become enshrined in some strange psychological gridlock that they can't cum in... I'm far from a saint- but sometimes I feel like never being nice, understanding, compassionate or even remotely humanistic ever again. It only gets me a sexless marriage and held up as shrine where no sex shall be permitted. I've made a promise to never be intimate with a man I'm intimate with again. AS far as he will he concerned ... I'm bad. I think that's what they really want... He likes skanky girls... Always has. I'm not skankified. Anyway I hope he rethinks the open marriage thing, because this not feeling beautiful thing is crippling my ego. We are both very sexual people. Very. So I know that there is nothing to fix whatever is wrong between us, but I will never leave my husband. We are absolutely happy in everything else, but I worry it will bleed over ...

May 30, 2013 - 5:21am
EmpowHER Guest

I love my wife and don't ever want to break up our family, but I have no interest in having sex with her. We've been married 14 years, and over that span we've both become rather comfortable and let ourselves go a fair bit out of shape...she went that way probably 6-7 years ago, and I've just recently let go. I had hope that she'd at least attempt to keep herself in shape, even it it wasn't ideal but she didn't. Eventually I just gave up hope and stopped trying myself. I've recently resolved myself to not ever having a good sex life again. I know it hurts her feelings when I don't respond to her occasional advances, but I just can't bring myself to do it anymore.

March 8, 2013 - 8:13pm
EmpowHER Guest

and iv caught him masterbating hes never done it so why now?i just had a baby 2 months ago but ppl tell me i still look good anyway he can have sex when ever he wants with me yet he freaking masterbates!!Uh.

January 10, 2013 - 12:34am

I am 30 years old and so is my husband. We ar both attracive but now are overweight but not really bad. I just had a baby 2 months ago. Things were bad sexually before but now they are worse. I do ALL the things a man dreams that his wife would do. My husband swears its not me that is the problem and admits that he has ED but wont go to the doctor. He has no insurance and i feel like a sex phine or something but I can't take thismuch longer. I love him and I don't want to cheat. What is really weird is that his penis works for several nights just out of the blue and then it will completely stop woking for months. He takes OTC erection enhancers and they hurt his stomach and wont work that great but every once in a while when he is going through his ED spells, which are lasting longer andlonger. Please help give me advice on what to do. We are only 30 years old & I feel like we are 80. :(

October 30, 2012 - 5:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Sannystac)

Hi! I'm a 30 year old woman myself, going through something similar...I love my husband, he loves me, but the sex...what sex! Nothing kills your self esteem like knowing that you can't PAY your husband to make love to you lol!!! From what I've read, the OTC's don't work so well and can cause the body to build up a resistance that decreases his ability to achieve of maintain a natural erection, and at the same time cause him to respond less and less to the OTC's. It sucks. Sorry I didn't have anything more encouraging to say. You said that he's a little over weight, go to your local drug store and get a blood glucose monitoring kit. If he has high blood sugar, it could be a sign of diabetes, and that could be the root of your problem-if so, diest and exercise could set it all straight!

October 31, 2012 - 5:35pm
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