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Why has my boyfriend become violent?

By April 4, 2010 - 11:42pm
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We have been together for 2 years, I am 20 and he is 21, the past six months he has become very violent over the smallest things. He has left bruises on my arm, nearly broke my hand and pulls my hair out, I try and get him back sometimes by slapping him and he pushes me away yelling that he's not a little kid anymore so why am I hitting him, but why does he think its okay to do it to me first.
Also, he hasn't wanted sex as much and when he does he never finishes. Do you think it is because I have put weight on, or that I have changed down there?

I told my friend that he was getting angry a lot and she thinks that it is because he feels guilty about something.
I have broken up with him before and I just can't be with out him and we always and up being together again. We have been together so long and I love him so much. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. Please help me and give me some guidance on what to do.
Thank you

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You MUST leave him. Do you understand? You are in danger here. This is a situation that is escalating. For 18 months, he wasn't violent, and now he is hitting you, bruising you, nearly breaking a bone and pulling your hair out?

And yet you say you love him and can't be without him? And you think he might be violent and less interested in sex because you have put some weight on?

No. No no no no no.

This is a physically abusive situation, Monbon. What he is doing is assaulting you, which is against the law. You don't "get back" at a criminal by doing criminal acts yourself.

You CAN be without him, Monbon. Somewhere along the way you have lost the self-esteem and self-confidence that you used to have, and you are putting up with physical abuse that you do not deserve. I am glad you have confided in a friend. Can you go and stay with her for a while?

The only way this situation could be fixed, Monbon, is if both of you agreed to separate for a while and go to counseling. And from what you wrote, I don't see that happening.

Monbon, you don't have to do this by yourself. There are people who will answer the phone and talk to you 24/7 at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233).

If you are unsure as to whether you are being abused (I'm very sure you are), you can go here and look at some questions that might help you see your experience in another way:


Monbon, it's really important that you realize that nothing, NOTHING you could do deserves this kind of treatment or makes it all right.

Please tell us what we can do to help. If you need the name of local support services where you are, we would be honored to help you find them. Just write back and tell us your zip code or your city and state.

April 5, 2010 - 11:41am
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Domestic Abuse

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