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Why is my girlfriend silent in bed?

By Anonymous May 26, 2015 - 12:54pm
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I would like to understand my a woman would be silent in bed if she's enjoying herself. She doesn't get any pleasure from vaginal sex alone but she does orgasm from oral sex and from me rubbing her clitoris. I feel like sex is awkward when the room is completely silent and a woman's moans really turn me on which is really making me feel like I'm missing out on how enjoyable sex is. Sometimes when I hear neighbors having sex it really brings me down because I feel I will never experience that. It really bothers me but I obviously don't want her faking these sounds because that won't solve anything. Am I asking too much? I really love her and don't want this to be a dealbreaker for me after all this time together but I also don't want to live the rest of my life sexually unsatisfied.

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Remember these every person is different from each others. It is not unusual if your gf doesn't screams or make howling noises in bed and It doesn't mean that she is not enjoying. Some women just don't like to make noises or like to stay silent. So consider it a normal behavior and don't be disappointed with that.

May 26, 2015 - 11:49pm

Hi Anon,


Thank you for sharing your question with the EmpowHER community.


Silence from a woman during sex does not necessarily mean she isn't enjoying it.   As you well know, women and men are as different generally as well as individually, which includes their sexual preferences.  

I think it's awesome that you are interested and know what brings her pleasure and what doesn't , but remember there is always room to learn more.  Generally speaking, men are typically interested in making sure they don't finishing too soon, where as women are interested in actually finishing.  

For some, that could mean talking, screaming and moaning or (perhaps with your girl) it means focusing and being on the edge until she reaches her climax. That silent focus is more than likely a sign of her knowing her own body and what works to make sure she has the finish you both are striving for.

If you are interested in kicking things up a notch and returning a favor to your neighbors and waking them up for a change, ask her what drives her wild and what she wants more of.  Making it about her and letting her guide you will go a long way.  Be patience (which it sounds like you are) and in the mean time think about ways you can be a little more romantically creative or erotically playful outside as well as inside the bedroom.  For women, the opportunity to start the fire can happen way before foreplay.  

Good luck, I'm hoping the volume increases soon.  But if it doesn't, the concentration and focus is a good sign as well.

I hope this helps.

Be well,


May 26, 2015 - 2:52pm
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