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why is my husband avoiding sex and would rather masterbate every morning

By Anonymous February 11, 2015 - 6:28am
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I work crazy hours (3p-3a) usually 4 days a week. Forvthe past few weeks i have been cutting down my hours because i miss not being home. Two nights ago i wanted to have sex and my husband turned me down, no big deal, but what i dont get is every morning he wakes upto masterbate in the other room. I confronted him this morning because i told him he wakes me up every morning when he is in the other room. He said the reason he does it so often is because i am not around as much. I said fair enough, but since cutting back my hours he still has no interest in me but continues to get up early every morning masterbate. It frusterates me because all he has to do is wake me up, or if i am already up just ask. Instead he doesnt say a word and just goes to the other room. We have bedn married fir 5yrs without any children.

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Hello Anonymous,

Welcome to EmpowHER and thank you for reaching out to us with your problem.

Based only on what you have shared, I wonder if there is more than what your husband has shared. Could he feel inadequate in some way? Is there a deeper reason he is avoiding intercourse? In the five years of marriage, have you always worked those hours? How was your sexual relationship in the past?

If your husband is agreeable, you may both benefit from couple's counseling.


February 11, 2015 - 9:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Maryann Gromisch RN)

We used to have sex 3x a week when we were first married. I only started working these crazy hours about a year ago do to the increase in pay on night shift. He has never mentioned any ither reason as to why he does itexcept that i am not home that often because of my work hours, but he cant keep on making those excuses now that i cut my hours to be home more often. The crazier thing is its not even porn thst he watches its championshipwomens boxing that does it for him. I dont know what else to say or do that will make him jerk off less and want me more.

February 11, 2015 - 9:51am
(reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon,

Maybe something as simple as going out together for a special dinner, or preparing something at home or doing something sexy for a change could spark his interest again. I do agree with Maryann that if it doesn't work, then couples counseling would help too if your husband agrees.

I wish you the best of luck,

February 11, 2015 - 1:28pm
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