My second concern is just what my body has to go through—again. My first and third surgeries were done vaginally. The other two, and the upcoming one, involve pretty major abdominal incisions. This probably constitutes the primary part of my recovery.
I have an extremely high pain threshold and do recover quickly because I am in pretty good shape. (However, the escalated exercise plan I had hoped to put in place before this surgery never quite happened….)
I almost feel like I disappoint friends who want to ‘take care of me.” I definitely need help the first couple of weeks but I rarely need the full six weeks that is recommended. After the last surgery, I didn’t even need pain medication—until the third day when a nerve that had been nicked during the surgery flared up. Then I was in immense pain for almost two weeks. I thought I had a fire going on in my groin.
I told Dr. Berek when I left the hospital, “If it wasn’t for this nerve, I think I could go out and play a game of basketball.” He said—I think I did that on purpose to keep you down.
It’s hard for me to let others help me and wait on me—after all—isn’t that being “dramatic?”
Plus, I’m self-employed. I have clients that are waiting for their work to get done. I have to get better—quickly. Thank goodness I have great employees that can keep things going until I can get back to work. Last time people were laughing that I was texting the day after my surgery.
Of course, I also worry about my daughter. She takes this so hard. I’ve told her-- no long faces, but she needs an outlet to express her fears, too. She is 26 and her dad is not involved in her life, so it has been just me and her for a long time (Of course, plus the “Village” of caring friends and community).
Erika has some developmental disabilities and lives “almost” on her own. She lives in her own place, with a caregiver to help her. She has a lot of people who care for her and love her.
So after the finances, the recovery time and Erika, I have to admit that it is in the back of my mind—what will the future bring? Will this keep coming back? Will it eventually come back more aggressively? But that is something I truly don’t dwell on. After all—who has time?
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Hi Diane--Yes, I do have moments of fear and worry. On Wednesday, I only melted down three times! HA! I guess I just snap out of it fairly easily because I have things to do. I have a full life. So its time to move on to something else.
March 21, 2009 - 10:16amI honor the moment when the fear or sadness are there though and don't try to dismiss it. It's OK to cry. I have reasons to cry. I find that a lot of people will think of others who are worse off. You can always find someone who is worse off. Oh my gosh--what about the news of Natasha Richardson? What do I have to complain about compared to what her family is going through!
But what I think is important is no matter how much worse it can be, what you are going through is also stressful, a crisis, a reason to cry. So don't deny it. Have your moment. But then get on with the things you have to do in life. Go out for a walk (the weather has been gorgeous). Put away some clothes. Write or call a friend. Do a work assignment. Havea a pizza (OK--try not to do TOO much "comfort food).
Give yourself some treats. Go to a movie--escape for a few hours. That's OK, too.
Hope this has helped! Mary
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Mary,
I love your story and am reading every word with interest and care. You astonish me with your upbeat attitude.
Do you have times of fear, of worry, where you have to get yourself back to ground zero and work your way back up? Or are you able to stay at a pretty constant level of optimism?
Can you share with us how you think you do that? Keep from dwelling on the might-bes and could-happens?
Thank you so much for your honesty. You have such strength.
March 11, 2009 - 9:36amThis Comment
Hi Mary,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You've become such a dear friend to me and all of us here at EmpowHer. You have been one of the my greatest gifts since starting EmpowHer. I'm glad you're able to write about your health challenges on the site. I want you to know we are here to support you. I'd go advocate for you in a heart beat if you wanted me to. I know you know that.
I'm sure you have many worries as you face this fourth surgery. The good news, you heal quickly and need little to no pain medication. The other good news...you have surrounded yourself with wonderful friends who love you, want to take care of you and continue to pray for your optimal health.
You've done so much for so many. You advocate for women in other countries every day. It's your life's work. You've given so much of yourself knowing your situation with your own health. Yet, you continue to travel around the world in hopes of helping others save themselves. What you've done for others will come full circle back to you. That's why I have complete faith that you are going to have perfect health. It's the universal principle. What goes around, comes around. You will receive all the blessings for optimal health from all the lives you've touched.
I'm happy to check on Erika for you, while you are in CA. I can take her out for dinner or whatever you'd like. I adore her.
Take care my dear friend and keep writing. Getting this out of your head and heart is a good thing. To be able to share this with all of us so we can support you is even better. To be able to journal your thoughts in a safe place where you can share your fears is wonderful healing tool. I hope you feel the virtual hug from all of us here at EmpowHer.
Much love,
March 9, 2009 - 11:31amMichelle
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