I've been married for five years. My husband is a good man and a very hard worker. He also works hard around the house. His job is very demanding and stressful. He also works around the house when he's home, not liking to be idle too much. On the outside and socially, he's funny and interesting and well liked. He was like this when we were dating and during our engagement. He seemed sensitive and caring. We had much fun together in the beginning. Over the last three years, he's become over stressed and overwhelmed. He tends to take on too much. I own my own business and help with the finances and upkeep of our home. I also take care of our (my) dogs. We're both pretty busy and independent. Increasingly over the past two years our relationship, both emotionally and physically have deteriorated. He brings his stress home and
confide my feelings. His reaction is usually one of rolling the eyes and moaning in disgust while he puts his
heads in his hands. He's also gotten into the habit of just leaving the room while I'm in mid sentence. This
can be during an argument or just because he's busy and doesn't have the time to talk. Basically he's closed himself off to me. I can go on and on but I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him when I sense his
mood swings. I can talk in the nicest manner but sometimes it just sets him off regardless. I'm trying to be
supportive of his burdens but I've got my own and I try to deal with them as best I can. He doesn't act this way on purpose but he's become unremorseful in his behavior and justifies it by my behavior. I'm a sensitive person but I've resorted to retreating to the third floor of my house for peace. Am I being too sensitive? My emotions are worn thin.
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You are not being too sensitive!! We as women always think it's us. But, the truth be told there's always two people involved in a relationship and so both parties have to be able to participate, communicate and feel safe to share their feelings.
Rolling one's eyes while another is speaking or leaving the room while you're in mid-sentence is what I would consider passive aggressive behavior but I'm not a psychologist. For someone reason your husband is taking "something" out on you. What is the old adage? We go after the one's we are closest too? Painful to hear, but believe it to be true.
You sound like a kind and loving woman, who loves her husband dearly. I'm sure you want your marriage to work. But, you can't live in this state anymore. You have to get to the root of the problem.
Do you think you can get him to go see someone? Would be good for you to go together and maybe for him to go separately so he can share his feelings with someone else. A neutral third party. Marriage counseling is a great thing, if both people are willing to participate. If he's not, you may have to rethink your marriage. You can never threaten divorce though as that is the single worst thing one can do. Unless you truly want to be divorced you should never say it. It can literally kill a marriage.
We have Dr. Gail Gross as one of our Medical Board Advisors here on EmpowHER. We will send your question to her and ask her to please respond. She has given me great relationship advice over the years. We may even have some of her articles on EmpowHER on relationships and how to deal with marriages that are...well, let's say, challenging right now. Search around and see if you can find some of her articles on EmpowHER.
The one thing Dr. Gross would say is "mutuality" is critical. Both people have to come to the table as 50-50 partners and there always has to be mutual respect. Your husband has to have your back and you have to have his. Respect is critical. You may not always win an argument. But, it's never about winning or loosing.. It's about being able to share your feelings in an open, honest way where both parties listen and agree to disagree. Someone will always have to bend and it should be mutual.
Hope this helps. WIshing you well. Warmest, MKR
February 3, 2016 - 8:20amThis Comment