There was a time when things are much simpler: you date, and then get married. You buy a house, and then you have kids. Now, many couples find themselves in complicated situation when one of the partners may not want kids just yet. The modern life presents many options, many ways to deviate away from the expected route. The fact is that, there are many people nowadays who do not want to have kids. Perhaps they want to focus on their career, on the relationship, or just simply want to enjoy life a bit more before bringing a little one in their lives.
There will be no issue if both you and your partner are on the same page about family planning. If you both want kids right now, that’s great. If neither of you want to start a family so soon, there is no problem either. Issues only rise when one partner wants something that the other person does not.
So how do you handle the talk? Will the disagreement ruin your relationship?
If you are ready but he or she is not:
Having a baby is definitely a big event that requires much love and effort from both parents. So if your spouse feels like he or she is not ready for a kid yet, then you two are not ready as a couple.
Perhaps, the first thing to do is to find out the reason why your partner says no. Is it because she is worried that she would have to give up her career after the baby is born? Does he worry about your finances and want to build up a bigger saving nest? Knowing the reason will help you both work it out easily. You can make an agreement to share the equal responsibility of care giving, so that both of you can still have a career. If finance is the concern, you can work on a better financial plan, pick up some side hustle, or set a goal date.
If choosing not to have a child is a matter of personal preference or life style decision for your spouse, then it may be harder to resolve. You can start to hang out with other couples with children to show him or her that people can still have fun with their kids. You also need to let them know how important it is for you to have children. However, in the end, you need to keep in mind that personal values are hard to change.
If you are the one who is not ready:
Again, communicating is the key to successful relationships. Therefore, whatever reasons are holding you back, you need to be honest with your partner. All the same time, know that having a baby can be your partner’s dearest wish. If you are not ready now, let your partner know why, and perhaps set a date when you two can revisit the topic. If you feel like you are not going to be ready ever, you also need to let your partner know. Giving them false hope will only make the matter worse down the line. In order for a relationship to survive, either your values need to be aligned, or either of you will have to make a compromise.