For some reason I woke up this morning feeling really scared. I have never felt like this before, but it was a really strange feeling. I’m not sure what I was feeling scared about, and I am usually a pretty fearless person. Thankfully the thought passed as the morning went on.
I had infusion today at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. It’s funny that I have been going to get Eributux now every week and it almost makes me feel that I have to do this every week. There aren’t really any side effects because Erbitux is not chemo (I thought it was). I have been feeling really tired lately though. I’m not sure what this is from.
My dad and Barb were in town the past week. It went pretty much as expected. Barb running around doing yoga at the Village, shopping everyday at whole foods and hitting up places like Lohemans looking for the best sales. It’s impossible for her to sit still for one minute. I really don’t think she spent more than an hour a day at my house except to sleep. My dad would tag along with her most of the days, but helped me when I needed certain things to be done around the house. It was actually kind of nice getting some of the projects done around the house. The last day I was actually kind of wishing they were staying in town just a little longer. It was nice to have the company, despite the fact that everyday was a battle with Barb just to get her to understand that rest is more important to me than eating out every night, shopping and exercising. I think she means well sometimes, but she just doesn’t get it which is understandable.
We are getting closer to leaving for New Zealand and I feel not even close to being ready or excited yet. I feel more stressed than anything else. I am just hoping that everything goes well and we don’t spread ourselves to thin. I am sure it will be just fine and the trip of a lifetime. I’m happy that Carol is going with me. I’m sure that once I’m on the plane, I’ll be able to relax a little more. In the meantime, I think I want to try to get Christine to come visit or maybe head to Vegas to visit her for a couple of days before I head out of town. I feel like I need to see a friendly face to help me get rid of this damn uneasy feeling.
I have been corresponding with Tom’s wife (the guy that passed away the other week.) We have been trying to find a time to meet up. I am thinking that talking with her may help alleviate some of my worries and I think it will help listening to her point of view as well.
I have so many fun things planned over the next few months. New Zealand, Cozumel, the Jewell Ball, dates and seeing my sisters are all in the plan. I just feel like I am having a really hard time getting excited about it because of this uneasy feeling that I keep getting. Anyone have any ideas of why this is happening? Any suggestions on what I can do to make this go away? Maybe it’s just normal and it will pass over time.
-The Melissa Waller Blog
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