I wrote recently about a 50-something wife and mother who committed suicide the day her house foreclosed.
Fast forward to a CNN article about men and women who cheat on each other with their checkbooks.
“Call it secret spending, checkbook cheating or financial infidelity -- plenty of Americans are guilty of it.
Twenty nine percent of people in a committed relationship admitted to lying to their partner about their spending habits, according to a Harris Interactive survey of 1,796 people ages 25-55.
Kathy Kitts, a 50-year-old brain development specialist from Germantown, Maryland, says she became a "secret shopper" when she had a part-time job at a clothing store four years ago.
"I would buy stuff and bring it home all the time, although I wouldn't necessarily bring it straight home," she says. "It would end up in the trunk of my car for a while and then in my closet."
Kitts' secret spending habits are fairly typical, says Tina B. Tessina, a Long Beach, California, psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage."
"Women tend to buy clothes, make-up and personal indulgences like pedicures, while men tend to hide big-ticket items," says Tessina. "They spend more on gambling and the stock market and fantasy football and porn. They don't hide their spending in the closet; they hide it on the computer."
Source: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/07/28/lw.confronting.financial.i...
Financial cheating can lead to divorce and often does.
“Theo Pauline Nestor, a 46-year-old writer, teacher and mother of two from Seattle, found out her husband was surreptitiously using credit cards to fund a gambling habit that she said eventually cost the couple their marriage.
"He had seven credit cards in his name that were being sent to a different address," says Nestor, who detailed her experiences in the memoir, "How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed." "I had a feeling something was wrong but I pushed it down. Now I tell people to trust their gut, to start asking questions and snooping around."
Tessina estimates 25 percent of the couples she sees for overspending are grappling with
addiction issues, which can often cause a person's life to spin out of control.
"Addiction begins to adversely affect your life," she says. "Your spouse leaves you but you still keep doing it."
Normal spending sprees are much more common -- and much less devastating -- although they can still cause problems in a marriage.
"If you find your spouse has been sneaking around on you -- and that's what this is -- that messes up your trust," she says. "Your marriage is really a business and if a spouse is secretly spending, that's undermining it a really serious way. It's like they're embezzling."
Source: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/07/28/lw.confronting.financial.i...
Tell Us
Do you ever hide purchases on your husband/partner? Do you think he does? How would you cope with this kind of ‘cheating’ and how do you think it would affect your relationship?
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment1 Comments
I was in the mall shopping for a picture frame for a relatively close friend of mine. She had just come home from her honeymoon and we were getting together this coming weekend to catch up and look at her photos . As I was walking into the store I made eye contact with her husband, surprisingly he approached me and we began speaking to one another. Now, I had only met him about three or four times before because after they met she stopped seeing many of her friends as with most new relationships. It was a brief dating period for them, in fact, they were married within five months of meeting each other. He was very pleasant, in fact he was overly nice and was leading into conversations that were making me feel a little uneasy. He started asking personal questions about my relationships and made an inquiry about me going out with a newly married man and how he could really show me a good time. He asked for my cellphone number and would not stop until I gave in,"WHAT A FOOL I AM" Now I don't know what to do, I can't tell my her because it will end my friendship for sure and I can't possibly go to her home and pretend this didn't happen. I confided with another close friend of mine and she told me about this site http://urajerk.com/ At first I thought is was just another one of those sites that pop up here and there but I checked it out. I must say I like it and thats why I am spreading the word. I was able to send him a few cards with some personal anonymous messages, he will know they are from me, but no one else will. I love this site because I can at least tell him that he is a JERK. Has anyone else gone through this crap before? How can men be such JERKS!!
July 29, 2008 - 7:11amThis Comment