Many of us who hear the bad news “you have cancer,” are also surprised by how many people turn away from us. Those who we had thought were our best friends, or who would help us to the end suddenly won't return phone calls. We discover that the word “cancer” is a powerfully frightening thing in our society, and people do not always react the way we expect.
Yet, sometimes people come through for you in spectacular ways. Have you ever had a room full of people applaud you? Well, maybe you are a famous movie star, or a motivational speaker, or community theater actor and applause is part of your world. But, I never have had that experience, nor expected to.
I have been off work for five weeks, recovering from a liver resection done for metastatic breast cancer. My place of business, which happens to be a high school, was putting on their customary yearly Thanksgiving Feast. It's very rare that the entire staff, from custodian to principal, have time to sit down together. All of us work for the benefit of kids in one form or another, but rarely do we join together. This was one of those times, and I decided I'd go say hi.
When I walked into the room, unexpectedly since I'd told nobody I was coming, all the people sitting down to their Thanksgiving meal – all 100 of them - burst into spontaneous applause. Loud, lengthy, extended clapping. For me.
I knew then, that I was home.
These people had been unusually supportive considering I've only been working at this school for a year. They took up a collection and gave me enough money so that my family could stay in a hotel for a few days while I had surgery in a different city. Then, when I came home, they took turns and brought me meals – wonderful things so while I was recovering, my family could eat. I didn't have to cook (or eat take-out) for weeks. And flowers, I even got flowers, sometimes left on my doorstep. A little gift to show I was not forgotten.
I have found support from relatives and friends, but like all cancer patients, have found some who have turned away, unable to look. Rather than let that hurt, it's important to realize support can come in the most unlikely places and for unlikely reasons. You may have that relative or former best friend who never calls you again. Cancer does that to some people. Mourn it and let it go.
Then remember: family is where you make it and support comes in many forms. Find your own and enjoy the applause.
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Add a Comment89 Comments
Wonderful story. It is amazing the support you receive, and from unlikely sources. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
December 10, 2011 - 5:45amThis Comment
Ann, thank you for sharing this story. I am learing from you how to be appropriately supportive to people who have cancer. I wish you all the best,
December 7, 2011 - 2:41amCarol
This Comment
I, too, worked at a school until June when I retired on disability. Our staff held a tea party for me and everyone brought me hats ...it really was so heart warming. Many of the women wore hats and the men wore white shirts with pink bow ties and served all the women. I know just how loved you felt when you walked into that Thanksgiving feast! Glenna
December 6, 2011 - 10:41pmThis Comment
Hi, I'm actually a student at your school, and you would be surprised how many people notice when you are out. (We see the get well cards on your desk and just hope you get better.) I found this blog via a news site and decided to read it just because I wanted to know how you were doing, and I'm so glad that you are recovering!
December 5, 2011 - 9:17pmThis Comment
Thanks for sharing this awesome story. Just wanted to drop in and cheer you on. We cancer-fighters have to stick together.
Gina
December 3, 2011 - 7:50pmThis Comment
It's good to know there is still so much love in the world...
December 2, 2011 - 11:36pmThis Comment
Support really helps when getting through this. I only had stage I breast cancer but because of the aggressiveness of the cells, I had to had the full round of surgery, chemo and radiation. My work colleagues were so supportive. I also got unexpected help from some acquaintances.
December 1, 2011 - 11:33amThis Comment
thanks!
November 29, 2011 - 3:04pmThis Comment
Beautiful and heartwarming! Made my day a smile day :)
November 29, 2011 - 11:35amThis Comment
What a wonderful experience! I've had the friends and family disappear, and after reading this I think its time to stop grieveing and let it go. I just started reading your blog and found this group tonight and I'm so thankful I did.
November 28, 2011 - 11:02pmThis Comment