Many of us who hear the bad news “you have cancer,” are also surprised by how many people turn away from us. Those who we had thought were our best friends, or who would help us to the end suddenly won't return phone calls. We discover that the word “cancer” is a powerfully frightening thing in our society, and people do not always react the way we expect.
Yet, sometimes people come through for you in spectacular ways. Have you ever had a room full of people applaud you? Well, maybe you are a famous movie star, or a motivational speaker, or community theater actor and applause is part of your world. But, I never have had that experience, nor expected to.
I have been off work for five weeks, recovering from a liver resection done for metastatic breast cancer. My place of business, which happens to be a high school, was putting on their customary yearly Thanksgiving Feast. It's very rare that the entire staff, from custodian to principal, have time to sit down together. All of us work for the benefit of kids in one form or another, but rarely do we join together. This was one of those times, and I decided I'd go say hi.
When I walked into the room, unexpectedly since I'd told nobody I was coming, all the people sitting down to their Thanksgiving meal – all 100 of them - burst into spontaneous applause. Loud, lengthy, extended clapping. For me.
I knew then, that I was home.
These people had been unusually supportive considering I've only been working at this school for a year. They took up a collection and gave me enough money so that my family could stay in a hotel for a few days while I had surgery in a different city. Then, when I came home, they took turns and brought me meals – wonderful things so while I was recovering, my family could eat. I didn't have to cook (or eat take-out) for weeks. And flowers, I even got flowers, sometimes left on my doorstep. A little gift to show I was not forgotten.
I have found support from relatives and friends, but like all cancer patients, have found some who have turned away, unable to look. Rather than let that hurt, it's important to realize support can come in the most unlikely places and for unlikely reasons. You may have that relative or former best friend who never calls you again. Cancer does that to some people. Mourn it and let it go.
Then remember: family is where you make it and support comes in many forms. Find your own and enjoy the applause.
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Thanks for sharing this powerful message of support.
November 22, 2011 - 12:12pmThis Comment
Hi, Ann -
November 22, 2011 - 10:50amAs a breast cancer survivor (just cleared the one year mark) in the Sacramento area, I, too, have seen folks who back away and those who step closer. Your humor made me smile and the wealth of information you have provided has been so appreciated. Hang in there!!!
This Comment
Ann, you are a great inspiration for me. Thank you for saying what I have been feeling after my own cancer diagnosis ~ That the friends you expected to be there, sometimes aren't, and that to mourn that loss is normal. The web, and more specifically, your blog, have become my source of support lately seeking out others in the internet community willing to share their stories and experiences. You all have become my little group of "been there, done that" and its been such a relief to know that others are walking the same path as me. Thank you!
November 22, 2011 - 10:02amThis Comment
Thank you so much for all your writing. It is wonderful that you can still find your sense of humor and even better that you share it with us all.
November 22, 2011 - 8:07amThis Comment
Heartwarming. I'm sure it touched your soul to know they care so much. I have also learned so much about human nature and what the people around me can and cannot handle through my cancer experience - and I have been pleasantly surprised, in many cases, deeply disappointed, in others, and overall, just grateful to be here. It seems you have had much the same experience.
November 22, 2011 - 7:31amThis Comment
Ann, you never cease to amaze me. I fell off the wagon for awhile and just had time to catch up with the latest updates. I'm thinking you should have tagged the Blue Angels in your blog...you might've been invited to a special show---and given another standing ovation! Finding your blog helped me help my best friend. A simple thank you isn't enough, but I thank you all the same. Be well Ann; you can't know what you can't know, but you can celebrate what you do know, and that is being part of the 2%. Got milk?
Laura
November 22, 2011 - 7:08amThis Comment
Those unexpected moments of support and encouragement are what makes us able to remain strong and carry on. The mothers of my daughter's classmates at school cooked and delivered meals each week while I was having chemo - I can't describe what a difference that made. It is difficult enough to cope with the impact that a cancer diagnosis has on you personally; how it affects those you love and particularly young children can be even more distressing. Those 'Marvellous Mums' also went out of their way to make sure that things were as 'normal' as possible for my girls, which took such a load off my mind.
November 22, 2011 - 1:17amThis Comment
Remember when Michael Douglas said "there's got to be an easier way to get a standing ovation"?
November 21, 2011 - 6:29pmThis Comment
While we definitely miss you...so glad to hear you have found "home" at the high school. Support like that is not easily found, I am so glad they support and appreciate you like you deserve!
November 21, 2011 - 2:00pmThis Comment
Ann, you are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing.
November 21, 2011 - 1:35pmThis Comment