Am in the process of figuring out why I did it. I was hospitalized in an excellent facility that helped me explore whether this attempt was a sign of decline (as my psychiatric nurse practitioner thinks) or a turnaround moment that brought me back to life, teaching me the horror that is suicide. I have suffered from chronic suicidality for 30 years, and it has been crippling. I feel, now, like I got it out of my system. I feel lighter, more present, more aware that I don't want this to happen again. It was a mild attempt. I took a handful of pills and immediately asked my husband to help me. That signals to me that I wanted to live. That it was a cry for help. I have learned a great deal in a short amount of time, and I see this action as the beginning of a landmark period in my life--one that is more mindful, more prayerful, more grateful, and far less rooted in the past and its traumas, which have haunted me my whole life. So, which is it? Does this signal a decline in mental health? Or a release? A "getting it out of my system"?