Ever experience anxiety and stress in your primary relationships? Too often we have an "I can fix that" mentality. As Women we don’t want to be fixed, we want to be pursued, adored and appreciated. Men hunger after respect, verbal and physical expressions of admiration. As my dear friend Les Brown says, “You Gotta Be Hungry!” Are you hungry? Then commit to practicing the following 5 tips for three weeks:
ASK: Here is a little look behind the veil of intimacy: you give out what you desire to receive; the conflict comes when your partner does not receive the same thing you want to get. Read that sentence again S-L-O-W-L-Y. There is no throwing stones here, we all do this in relationships: I see you and respond to you as I AM not as you are. So here is a question to ask your partner: how do you feel most loved in relationships? Take notes on the information they tell you because this will give you the key to unlocking the blue print of intimacy with your partner. Their answers will give you the specific guidance you are seeking to turn your partner on, which men thrive on right? “Just tell me what to do specifically and I will do it.”
APPLY: Realize there are three main portals that we use to give and receive love: auditory, kinesthetic, and visual. Author Gary Chapman broke them down into 5 main languages: Acts of Service; Quality Time, Gifts, Verbal Affirmation, Physical Touch. You will often give that which you desire to receive rather than what resonates with your partner. Learn and make a conscious choice to put into action on a daily basis what moves your woman. Choose 1-3 things a day to do for your partner that are aligned with their main love language in order to anchor a positive connection. Know this, love ignites more love. This is not a competition this is a relationship, the first one to take a step in the direction of love and appreciation wins in this game.
DELETE: Drop universal quantifiers: always; never; nobody; everyone; nothing; all; everything; when framed in a negative statement: "You ALWAYS do that!", "You NEVER listen to me"...ladies this applies to us as well. Universal quantifiers keep us stuck in a mental no way out prison, casting a sentence on our partner that is void of options and solutions. Be specific: "When you said this, or did this, I felt this."
RELEASE: Let go of expectations and assumptions, use direct communication with your mate AND do not assume your beloved knows what you are thinking. When in doubt seek clarity. Clarity of focus leads to accuracy of response.
CONNECT: If you are going through a time of tension and frustration put this practice in place at least 2-3 times a week: share with your partner 1-3 specific things that they did or said that you appreciated. Appreciation and vulnerability create instant connection. Holding hands and maintaining eye contact during this practice will give you a little shot of oxytocin (the happy bonding hormone)...end with a 30 second hug and you get even more.
Lauren E Miller is an international motivational speaker and a best-selling author. Lauren equips people globally with mindset skills and physiological techniques to de-stress their lives, regain inner clarity and step into personal excellence. Explore Lauren’s 30-Day Excellence and Wellness Programs.
For more information on Lauren E Miller and effective stress relief books/cds/products please visit her main website: www.laurenEmiller.com