Online Dating and Self Publishing....Future of a Younger Generations
When the first online dating sites popped up, people were hesitant to say they met someone online. They wondered if this made them look desperate. Times have change.
The Facebook Generation, I have to admit I am addicted as well, is comfortable with virtual friends and connecting to people with like/similar interest. I must add, caution always imperative
when meeting strangers anywhere!
In our fairy tale, Princess Bubble, the main character joins www.FindYourPrince.com to date. The modern version of a fairy tale ball.
This same generation of constant computer users, blogs and publishes everything online from independent films to columns that have daily followings. I believe this blogging bunch will not see self publishing at
all as negative or second rate. Kim Webb and I self published Princess Bubble because we needed to reach girls a.s.a.p. with our message of true meaning of "Happily Ever After!" So many young girls are starving
and compromising themselves for the attention of a boy/man.Recently CNN reported staggering numbers of teen girls are in abusive relationships! Kim and I felt did not have time for some agent to agree with us and then to find a publisher. We needed to start reaching girls as soon as possible! Now, we have reached people and appeared on The Today Show, CNN and many other media outlets and would welcome the right publisher because this is a lot of work! And we both have full time jobs.
But the stigma continues, despite national attention, our hometown paper The Atlanta Journal and Constitution emailed me, "We typically don't write about self-published books..." I found this so interesting! Nancy Pelosi's book is currently rated #1,681,028 on Amazon, but she does have a publisher.
All of this will soon change. Just as the perception of online dating has changed, self publishing will one day not carry the same stigma it does today. I am proud of the work we have done and all we have learned. Exhausted! But proud. And encourage everyone to follow their dreams even if you have to go a non-traditional route.
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I would not say "self-publishing" and "online dating" in the same breath, nor would I toss social networking in the mix. My personal opinion - these are much different topics with different concerns, some very serious.
Self-publishing is not a new concept and is certainly growing in popularity as traditional publishers face rising costs of production, the competition for authors grows, the demand for product changes and new authors struggle with getting through the publishing world. It's often the only way to get published. Marketing could be the biggest obstacle, though, as you compete for sales.
Online dating and social networking may be generated by the same technologies, but for different purposes. Social networking technology has a profound effect on professional networking, think LinkedIn, for example. Recruiters and companies alike are even changing their attitudes about using Facebook as a means of self-promotion and method of displaying your resume. However, Facebook also still has a rather negative pop culture image of being where "any moron" can put up a page (not my words, I actually heard this said). Frankly, any pervert with the right skills can, too.
Online dating bothers me the most. How is anyone to tell whether or not the seemingly nice person on the other end of the conversation isn't a predator?
As for the question of self esteem - when generations of sons learn how to treat girls/women with the respect they deserve as people who just happen to be female instead of objects of male fantasy, and generations of girls are taught that they were not put on this earth for the sole purpose of some guy's satisfaction - then, maybe, we'll be able to break the cycle of false esteem based on someone else's view.
August 14, 2008 - 4:36pmThis Comment
Your method of self-publishing seems right on target with the message that you're trying to spread to young women -- which is you don't need validation from another to be happy or to achieve. I think arriving at this point comes down to developing a healthy self-esteem. But how does someone do this in a world that encourages people to turn to outside influence for confidence? The Mayo Clinic offers these ideas on how to turn around negative thought patterns and develop a healthy self esteem.
Step 1: Identify troubling conditions or situations
Think about what conditions or situations about your life you find troubling and that seem to deflate your self-esteem. You may wish to change aspects of your personality or behavior, such as a fear of giving a business presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expecting the worst. You may be struggling with depression, a disability or a change in life circumstances, such as the death of a loved one, a lost promotion or children leaving home. Or you may wish to improve your relationship with another person, such as a spouse, family member or co-worker.
Step 2: Become aware of beliefs and thoughts
Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts related to them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — as well as your interpretation of what a situation means and your beliefs about yourself, other people and events. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, negative or neutral. They may be rational — based on reason or facts — or irrational — based on false ideas.
Step 3: Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinking
Your beliefs and thoughts about a condition or situation affect your reaction to it. Inaccurate or negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can trigger unhealthy physical, emotional and behavioral responses, including:
* Physical responses, such as a stiff neck, sore back, racing heart, stomach problems, sweating or change in sleeping patterns.
* Emotional responses, such as difficulty concentrating or feeling depressed, angry, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.
* Behavioral responses, such as eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks, working more than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about a situation or blaming others for your problems.
Step 4: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking
Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view of a situation is consistent with facts and logic or whether there might be other explanations.
You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your thinking. Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are simply opinions or perceptions.
These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:
* All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this job, I'm a total failure."
* Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation or your entire life. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm a failure."
* Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "My date only gave me that compliment because he knows how bad I feel." "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
* Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so I must have done something to make her angry."
* Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.
* Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better." "I'm weak, stupid or ugly."
Step 5: Change your thoughts and beliefs
The final step is to replace the negative or inaccurate thinking you've identified with accurate thoughts and beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive ways to cope and give your self-esteem a boost.
This step can be difficult. Thoughts often occur spontaneously or automatically, without effort on your part. It can be hard to control or turn off your thoughts. Thoughts can be very powerful and aren't always based on logic. It takes time and effort to learn how to recognize and replace distressing thoughts with accurate ones.
These strategies may help you approach situations in a healthy way:
* Use hopeful statements. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you think your presentation isn't going to go well, you may indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
* Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake but that doesn't make me a bad person."
* Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you may be setting unreasonable demands on yourself — or others. Removing these words from your self-talk can give you and others more realistic expectations.
* Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "What other things have gone well recently?" "What personal skills do I have that have helped me cope with challenging situations in the past?"
* Relabel upsetting thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn't mean you must choose to react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy thinking patterns. Ask yourself, "Which of my strengths can help me respond in a constructive way?" "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
* Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Treat yourself as well as you'd treat a loved one. Tell yourself, "I did a good job on the presentation. It may not have been perfect, but my colleagues said it was good."
Does anyone have any other ideas on how to boost self esteem?
August 14, 2008 - 8:43amThis Comment